Bone Island

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In-House Review - Apr 16 2005

Editor's note: This review refects the mail-order version, which contains an additional scene and is only available from the studio directly. Yes it's true what you might have read elsewhere. This is perhaps Bjorn's best work in years. And that's pretty impressive - he produced the fantastic Crossroads of Desire and Dreamers in the past eighteen months alone. But what's even more stunning is that you bastards have the audacity to be reading other websites. So how does a genius improve? He travels the world for impossibly stunning men (that by all rights should not walk the Earth if a fair and just God actually exists) and throws them together in a mythical tropical resort known as Bjornland. It's a place where you don't have to eat or buy food. You just walk around like a rabbit with priapism, keep your balls shaved and douche every ten seconds, because you don't know what's around the next corner. Usually there are three big natives ready to tear your shirt off and double fuck you. And the only women you'll ever see are confused looking peasant-farmers hurriedly being shooed out of frame. There are twenty-two models on show here. Do the math: With a world population of 6.3 billion (give or take) the chances of you actually meeting one of these guys is a rather depressing 286,363,637 to 1. Moral - stick with your lousy boyfriend and be thankful he pays half the rent and doesn't drink since that unfortunate Thanksgiving incident a few years back. Surprisingly, Bone Island actually exists; use that atlas that's been propping up your coffee table. It's named after the cemetery where narrator Andros spends every Sunday cruising the barrel-chested Jimenez who lays roses on one of the graves. And here's the moral highpoint - Andros is cruising in a graveyard. That ghoul. As far as Bjorn is concerned, standards and scruples dissolve when faced with a big cock. And yes, they do, but it shouldn't be pointed out. Think I exaggerate? Welcome to scene one. Andros (never without his trusty camcorder) is stuck inside on a rainy day. He zooms in on neighbor Leonn's house who has just happened to stumble upon brothers Diego and Guillermo Pastores, enjoying a toke on a doobie. Threatening to bust them for smoking pot "...in my house" the brothers drop to their knees as Leonn unbuckles his belt. Spying, recording someone without their consent, -use, and coercion. Welcome to Bjornland. And worst-of-all, they were smoking on his porch which technically isn't in his house. But here comes Bjorn's magic-wand and something amazing begins. Out comes Leonn's cock and though they hesitate at first, the brothers are soon slobbering over it like hungry dogs. When two hot guys are doing you this sort of service you can't help but blow your wad over their smiling faces either. Leonn might be a blackmailing S.O.B. but he's chivalrous, giving them both better than he got in a sequence that was so hot I had to put my pen down and pick up something else for a few minutes. After milking the cum out of Guillermo orally, he rubbers up and has the stud ride him while deepthroating his brother, who swap fraternal saliva as the sex-pig homeowner pleasures the beautiful Brothers Grin. Keeping it in the family gets dirtier as Diego next samples Leonn's thrusts, Guillermo deepthroating his brother before they are both covered in the top-man's juice. But it's not over yet as more brother-loads are released until the finale has Leonn suck, rim and fuck both in a Warp 9.9 eye-popper that leads to a ten-gallon climax that'll see you hitting the ceiling yourself. Next on Andros' Voyeurvision are neighbors Miklos and Decker, who deserve to be spied on for their frankly provocative PDA's that raise indecent exposure up a few notches. They begin with a backyard shower scene that screams "Look at us everybody!" When blonde Decker brings his hairy lover to a noisy climax they head indoors, but have already attracted the attentions of two cops. The cops change their tune when they see the smooth muscle stud shooting over his partner's body. They unbuckle and through the international language of love (in this case, wild gesticulation), prove to the lovers that CHiPs really stands for Choke-on these Hose Pipes. As they suck each other to repeated climax, the men in uniform get out of uniform, revealing themselves to be dirty blonde Veneziano and aggressive bottom Amsterdam. So begins a battering of the senses as cumshot follows cumshot - and this is just the beginning! Handcuffs as cock rings? Well, you'll be trying it yourself after Veneziano frames his massive tool with one before bending Decker over and getting medieval on that Canadian's hole. Decker can't complain about police ; he's hardly resisting arrest! Equally hung Miklos gives Amsterdam a taste of how citizens walk the walk, he too framing his cock with a cuff, using the other to pull his cock up and down between thrusts. Amsterdam loves having his ass stretched and ends up taking both tops at once while sucking Decker dry. Miklos closes the scene by spraying his juice all over the bad cop's well abused butt cheeks. The following scene appears only in the mail-order version. Andros always seems to know when action is about to happen, like a perverted clairvoyant. He follows Asian muscle dudes Sam Sun (Oh jeez...) and Samphan, watching as they hook up with Moreno and Jordanov. As East meets West (with East on its knees) those with a taste for big cock are in for a treat. Turns out Andros isn't the only observer, as gate-crashing Pauzao joins in. Moreno and Jordanov struggle to get his mutant cock into their mouths. The words big and thick don't do his meat justice. Godzilla would be envious. Still, it takes the will of a warrior to handle something so big so Sun and Samphan take turns impaling themselves on the ass-splitter. Blowjob-chains poolside, spit-roasts and multi-national hot sauce everywhere and there's still an hour to go! Andros spies Cemetery Man heading in to a bar called "Leather Master" and follows him in to discover harness clad young muscle studs dancing for the customer's enjoyment. As Andros foolishly gets his camera out the dancing gets dirtier (I think that camera is catnip!) and pretty soon massive uncut man-meat is being released from their pant-prisons. Jimenez (already getting comfortable with George Clooney-ish Costa) doesn't like the vanilla Andros filming them, so he turns the tables, the pup to his knees and him to suck the nine cocks that encircle him. Andros valiantly deep-throats them all as they use his own camera to film the action. (Isn't that ironic? Like rain on your wedding day.) After he takes all their milky cock-juice over his face, he flees humiliated, the gooey globs dripping from his face. But now our studs are too turned on to stop, and so begins an orgy that redefines group sex. Bjorn isn't the biggest fan of kink, so he wisely uses the setting and costumes as he would in any other scene, us to concentrate on the guys as they sink into a writhing mass of grabbing hands, foreskinned cocks, probing tongues and moans of joy. Too much happens to justifiably describe in detail but each guy gets a chance to shine. Cute Harri eats out older tough stud Duran's ass before fucking it with the energy of a youth at his sexual peak, causing Duran to spill his load as Harri finishes their pairing by lapping up his own boy-batter from Duran's freshly christened (and thoroughly pounded) cheeks. Romano sensuously and slowly himself into catwalk-model-beautiful Rosselli's tight hole then later licking his joyjuice from Rosselli's own exhausted nutsack, ensuring none of the goodness is . Dutch hunk Frank milking the cum straight out of Costa's fat French stick before Neron encourages an equally impressive second spooge bomb from him. And finally let's not overlook megahung Blackmoore, whose black weapon is so large even uber-top Jimenez can't stop himself sucking it like a bitch on heat! I've seen orgies both hotter as well as more elaborate (this is still a four-starrer), but knowing how detail-oriented Bjorn is (read: anal) I think more planning went into this thirty-five minute fuckathon then there was during the Apollo moon landings. Carnival time hits the tiny island, flooding the streets with fratboys, girls gone wild and bad drag queens. At a masked street fair, our hero Andros gets into the spirit by dressing and losing his inhibitions as he French-kisses a masked stranger he accidentally bumps into. They head back to Andros' pad where the mask is taken off, revealing Jimenez who admits he set the whole thing up - he even brought the camera back! Andros is ecstatic and inhales Jimenez's wang, tongue teasing and toying with it, causing the top stud to whisper and sigh his appreciation. When his dick is drained of every last drop of ball-gravy he returns the favor and gets a faceful that Andros can't wait to lick off. Both men are sexual athletes and cement their love by kissing, sucking, rimming and fucking their way around the entire bedroom, Andros staying rock hard as he rides away on his lover's pole. This highly sexed, electrical duo closes the film and sees the two become lovers, walking the beach at sunset. Until Andros picks up the camera again, I suppose. And so endeth the story of Bone Island. Bjorn may have more frequent flier miles than God traveling the globe to get these dudes, but as long as he keeps it up, I'll keep buying. -Froufrou A. Gogo Editor's note: This review refects the mail-order version, which contains an additional scene and is only available from the studio directly.