Stick it In!

By: T.J. Maxxwell
In-House Review - Dec 14 2009

Though the title recalls Margaret Cho's favorite bar pickup line, there are no potty-mouthed Korean fag hag comediennes in site. This here is man country! Let me begin by saying that I was pleasantly surprised by this flick. I must also give glowing praise to Michael "Third Arm" Brandon, who reaches the climax (!) of his porn career thus far with this film. To put it simply, he's a total maniac. From start to finish, the man is a grunting, thrusting, spewing, dirty-talking sex dynamo, as he slams his titanic tool into any opening that comes his way. In fact, the vid's weakest scene is the only one that he's not in. So, let's get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we? The first scene is explosive, with blonde, goateed Porter in a sling, caressing his ultra-defined body, Brandon appears on the scene, and begins tongue bathing every one of Porter's gazillion muscles. Porter then attempts to swallow Brandon's poker, which is like trying to swallow a Scud missile. After Brandon gets his daily dose of ass-chow, he plugs Porter's drain. Slam, slam, slam! Before you know it, jism is erupting, men are shouting with orgasmic glee, and everyone is happy. The next scene is the weakest, although it's still nothing to scoff at. Perennial favorite Sizemore receives a lengthy and spirited hummer compliments of the cock-crazed Pierce. Though the fellatio is inspired, the penetration which follows suffers from camera angles that linger a bit too long and become a tad tiresome. Actually, if this scene were in an average porn film, it would really stand out, but in a film where Brandon dominates every inch of the screen, it has trouble measuring up. The sex machine is back on overdrive in the third scene, a blistering liaison between Brandon and Wolfe, who also turns in a white-hot performance. After slobbering over Brandon's colossal crank, Wolfe bares his winking nubbin, which gets the bejesus pounded out of it. Wolfe growls, grunts and bleats like a crazed barnyard animal as Brandon goes to town, doing what he does best. Brandon's climax here is slo-mo worthy: a multi-part orgasm that keeps on erupting like Mt. St. Helen's in miniature. It's also notable for its - the expelled man-goo makes it all the way up to Wolfe's head! The final scene keeps up the pulse-pounding pace, with a wicked three-way between Brandon, Porter and Latin wonderstud Vega. The action kicks off with Brandon getting on his knees to service Vega's hooded he-hammer. Meanwhile, Porter is in a large cage, watching the action. Brandon and Vega then shove their tools into the cage, where Porter hungrily services them. Brandon then ends up in a sling, so that Vega might tongue his crapper and attempt to swallow a healthy portion of his meat. All along, Brandon is moaning at top volume. But the moans reach an even higher decibel level when Vega rams his Latin love pole into Brandon's starfish. As Vega slams, Porter sucks Brandon, and it's just total carnal chaos. Then it's Porter's turn to get in the sling, and Brandon gets to top once again. The scene's climax is a real humdinger: Vega empties his cache on Porter's puss, while Brandon erupts with another spellbinding multi-stage spew that really must be seen. To summarize, in haiku form: Quivering man staffs Willing, cavernous rosebuds Stick it in, indeed.

By: buddhawannabe

The second entry in the Monster Bang Video series, co-produced by Michael Brandon (note the similarity in initials) and starring, basically, Michael Brandon's dick, which he refers to in interviews as "the Monster" (but that doesn't mean WE have to). This video has a lot going for it, and for me that's mainly Riley Porter, whom it "introduced." Riley made, as far as I know, only six videos, all in the years 2002-2004 (see my review of "Nexus"). Who knows what happened--whether he didn't have the staying power for a career that, as we know, consists largely of waiting around for the grips to get the next camera and lighting set-up in place--but what we got was special. Reddish-blond hair; slim, smooth, ripped body; face that's handsome in a not-quite-completely-masculine way--chiseled lips, etc.--and an attitude that shouts, screams, whispers, "Bottom, bottom, bottom." At the beginning of the video, he's caressing his body at length, but not in an egotistical way; it's more "I'm your nice toy, ready to hand myself over to you for your pleasure; why don't you come on over and play with me?" And Michael shows up on schedule to do exactly that. I enjoyed the second scene more than T.J. Maxxwell did. Some porn stars have made their cocks available to an adoring public, reproduced as latex dildos; Matt Sizemore seems to have gone the other way around, taking a cast of the perfect throat and fashioning his dick accordingly. That upward thrust and downward curve, the shaft that's long and thick but not too much so for comfort, makes you think, as you're watching, that you could suck on that thing continuously for weeks. In the third scene, Bret Wolfe comes in on all fours, Michael leading him by a leash, and Bret is very good at being a playful puppy. Michael does indeed eventually fuck the daylights out of Bret's neat little pale-white ass, and when Michael Brandon has fucked the daylights out of somebody's ass, at the end of the process that ass is guaranteed to be daylights-free. Bret whimpers, moans, and expresses his extreme satisfaction perhaps a bit more than seems natural and spontaneous, but not much more. Finally there's the concluding threesome, with Riley once again doing what he does best: being a bottom in a cage, offering his mouth and butthole for penetration between the bars, and eventually being released to get fucked on a table. Why have I not said much about Michael? Maybe it's just me, but I don't see Michael as a top. Perhaps I've seen him too many times in interviews, but he seems like just a nice, friendly, normal guy who could be your best friend from high school, and whose assets you discovered while fooling around with him in the garage one afternoon. So, not convincingly toppy (and he doesn't get all that bottomy in the final threesome, either, not as much as my role model Riley), but there's no need to convince me that Michael's dick could make men feel like Riley and Matt act like it's making them feel. Monster? Why be negative? Michael's dick is God's gift to humanity,