American Holidays

American Holidays is what would happen if Fodor's Travel Guides and a porn director teamed up. And the result, for the most part, is quite successful. Set among the breathtaking scenery of both Italy and California, the film follows the hormonally driven hijinks of Ettori Tosi. This stocky, fuzzy paisan is as beautiful as his surroundings, and he knows what do when faced with a swollen member.

In the first scene, a desert stroll turns dirty when Racek (dreamy, bedroom-eyed) and Bulsara (dark hair, serpentine poker) fulfill their forbidden desires. Racek sucks the bejesus out of Bulsara's bullwhip, causing the lad to spew manbroth. Bulsara then takes the suckee's role before assuming a terrier position and taking Racek's ramrod up the caboose. Bulsara ends up with a shiny back.

The setting then changes to Italy, where Tosi gets his ya-ya's out with Cage (thirties, rugged, no relation to Nicolas). After some award-quality kissing, Tosi wraps his lips around Cage's dangler and sucks like his paycheck depends on it. Cage spews his gunk on Tosi's shirt, before Cage does a bit of sucking on Tosi's tool. Cage's expert technique has Tosi erupting in no time. Tosi then gives up his rosebud for Cage, who takes it three ways: doggie, missionary and horsey ride. The Eroto-meter is in the red here, as the passion between the two men is through the roof.

Next, it's off to some Roman ruins so Tosi can play voyeur for two sets of hotties. First, Tosi watches Ferri (hunk-o-man, bandana-head) orally gratifying Cortese (blond, icy, body by God). Ferri blows and rims his way into Cortese's heart, and then takes Cortese's noodle in the turd-cutter. Meanwhile two other men, Lenn (lighter) and Grimaldi (darker) are getting naughty as well. Lenn goes to town on Grimaldi's oversized shmeckle, before taking it up the pooper. Tosi then stumbles upon Vanelli, a dark-haired living statue who allows him to service his unnaturally large piece. Tosi ends up taking Vanelli's load in the face - it's very sweet.

In the final sun-splashed installment, an oily Tosi is getting a bang-up blowjob from Racek. Tosi then shows Racek that he knows a thing or two about sucking doodle. His reward is a gob of goo on the chest and face. Racek then serves up his supple Czech heiney for Tosi's pleasure. They then swap positions and Tosi ends up with the second shiny back in the film.

Lushly shot and filled with eye-popping man-candy, American Holidays' only real flaw lies with some of the camerawork. There are too many long shots (when you wish you could be closer to the action) and quick cuts (just when you're getting into the scene). Regardless of any inconsistencies, this Mediterranean manfest is sure to coax some cream out of your cannoli. --Written by our in-house reviewer, T.J. Maxxwell