Review

Get ready, folks. I'm about to rave about a sex toy!

Evolved Novelties is an enigma to me. A lot of the toys offered by this titan of sexuality strike me as somewhat cheap, somewhat flimsy, sometimes overpriced. A lot of them appear too cute for my liking. But then, every now and then, they knock one out of the fucking park. They come along with a toy that's well-designed, easy-to-use and appealing to a wide range of masturbators and intercourtesans (I just made up that word) alike. I'm glad to say, the Provoke Massager is most certainly the latter.

Put simply, this thing's a fantastic toy. I'm glad to own it.

So, what's so great about the Provoke Massager? Well, honestly, it's the simplicity of it. Design wise, it doesn't try too hard. It opts for elegance and form over cuteness and extravangance, and that makes a huge difference. The Provoke's got two insertable ends, depending on how much you or your fuck partner can handle. The smaller of the two ends is under an inch thick, while the bulbous upper end is a little over two inches. Both ends feature equal vibration, so it's really a matter of how much girth you can handle. I've used this thing on myself while whacking off and I was lucky enough to use it on a ladyfriend before and while screwing her sweet pussy, and we both honestly preferred the thicker of the two ends. When we're getting fucked, we want to get fucked, you know? That's not to say the smaller end doesn't pack a punch, though. It's pretty great for beginners, for loosening up and wettening a pussyhole or for some teasing.

As for vibrations...well, holy fuckin' fuck. This thing runs the goddamn gamut and proves pretty fuckin' awesome with every push of the button. It's got a low to medium settings of steady vibration, variable speeds of on/off pulsating vibration and my personal favorite, a fast-to-slow and easy-to-intense crescendo of vibration. Really fantastic for vaginal teasing. Cooing and moaning galore.

As I mentioned, this thing's pretty great for men or women. The Provoke is billed as a prostate massager, but also is marketed as the Sweet Embrace massager for vaginal play. They're the exact same toy (the Sweet Embrace is pink, the Provoke is black), and they're fantastic on either orifice.

I gotta say, as much as my ladyfriend enjoyed the sensation, I think I enjoyed it more. It's been quite a while since I felt something so fantastic inside my ass. For best results, try to get somebody to suck you off while this thing's buzzing inside your ass. I was lucky enough to arrange such an act, and it easily ranks in the top ten sexual experiences I'v ever encountered.

Last word: this toy's powerful, versatile, beautifully designed and inexpensive. Buy it now.

 -- Maston Hammerman