Review

From famed directed Tom Byron, comes Lord of Asses #1, and thankfully this is not the only try at the franchise, because volume one was a huge disappointment. When I watch porn, I don’t expect a plot or any sort of characters. I expect a porn that cuts to the chase and I see people having intercourse. But when you name your porn “lord of asses” and put a man in a wizard’s costume on the front cover, and have a copyright 2004 on the back, you damn well better have some lord of the rings references. This movie had none and therefore it was a huge disappointment.

I picked the movie up as a joke, thinking I can watch it with the guys and laugh while making lord of the rings references. The trilogy obviously just came out and took best picture…what better porn is there to make. Instead, Tom Byron spends the intro in a stylized shot of the asses of the girls, then just cuts to a lame standard porn intro scene with little to no development of any mock-plot. Clearly the only ass is the person who bought this expecting something sweet.

Looking past my obvious bitter rant, I will say that the girls are okay, but they aren’t even really okay. Some were even sub-par. One chick was hot, but she sure as hell didn’t rank up with any of the recent porns I have scene. The locations were standard, looking like they were shot in my living room, and I don’t think he even put on the costume he has in the front cover and on the dvd menu.

Yes, there was a lot of anal action. Yes there were girls. If you like these things, you may consider buying this dvd. I happen to know, though, that there are far better dvds for both these areas, so look around.

 -- Culby