Review

I totally fucked Kristina Rose in the ass last night.

I mean, sure, maybe it wasn't the real Kristina Rose. I didn't get to mess around with her perky little titties, her filthy and cum-crazy mouth or her meaty, bushy twat. But I got to spend a half hour or so fucking around with what's probably her most valued asset, her puckered asshole. Gotta say, it was a pretty enjoyable screw.

Upon opening the package, I decided that it would probably be best to take my time with this thing. It's not everyday that you fondle the asshole of one of the dirtiest sluts in the business, and I wanted to be sure I got the most out of the experience before I gave the toy to by 80-year old neighbor (which is what I generally do with sex toys once I'm done with them). So rather than furiously lube myself up and ravage this shitpipe without haste, I spent a little while fingering it first. I even watched Buttwoman vs. Slutwomanwhile I did it, because I wanted some extra visuals to get me even further in the mood. So after I spent enough time having foreplay with a toy that it started to feel creepy and inhuman, it was time for action. I slathered my ween in my favorite lube and slipped inside. Hey! It felt pretty fucking good! I slipped in and out of this thing for about ten or fifteen minutes, the images and sounds of the real Kristina getting her cute little bung split poking their way in and out of my consciousness, and then I finally whammed a gigantic load of cum inside the thing.

The pros? It's slightly tougher and meatier than a lot of your average budget strokers. It went the distance and feels like it would be able to get repeatedly fucked for hours at a time without losing any elasticity. Much like the real Kristina's asshole, from what I can tell.

The cons? Well, as I may have mentioned, this is a bit of a budget toy. Any toy priced under twenty bucks is gonna be limited in what it can offer. This thing was a whole lot of fun to bang. It made my cock feel great and it slurped out every last drop of jizz I had inside me. But does it stand up to the kind of bangin' experience that you'd get from a Mega Masturbator or a Fleshlight? Of course not. While those toys are far superior to this pocket pussy, they're also far more expensive. Which makes this a great choice for travelers, beginners or those without as much cash to spend.

All in all, a damn fine toy. If I hadn't given it away to the octogenarian next door, I'd be fucking it again when the sun went down tonight.

 -- MEAT BALL