Review

Holy motherfuckin' cum-chuggin' hell...I don't even know where to begin with this one.

Okay, what the fuck, let's start with the size. This thing's just about exactly as large and heavy as an average human head. or at least that's how it seems. I've actually never held a severed human head in my hands, so I can't be 100% certain about it, but you get the idea. My point is that as far as the size and weight go, this thing's already scoring some major points for authenticity. Same goes for the hair. It's soft, supple and pretty lifelike. I'm told that it's able to be braided and styled so you can personalize your experience. I couldn't really give two fucks about the hairstyle, so I just took her as she was. I will say that the fact that the hair's strong enough that you can stroke it and even pull it a bit while you're getting sucked off certainly adds to the illusion. A big plus, in my book.

So let's move on to the important stuff. The nuts and bolts, if you will. What was it like sticking my cock inside this lady's mouth? Well, I gotta say...it was damn heavenly. Maybe not entirely realistic, but pretty great regardless. Despite all impressions, this thing's not a real human head, so the suckjob experience wasn't 100% lifelike, which is unfortunate, but reasonable. I mean, we can't expect a toy like this to have a moving tongue or animatronic lips or anything (as much as we'd like to), so we've got to make some concessions to the fact that this was a sex toy. The mouth was similar to your average stroker or Fleshlight, but of a very high quality. Very meaty, very tight, very deep. No complaints whatsoever.

Cleanup's fairly simple. There's a small tunnel that runs from the back of the mouth down to the base, where your jizz can safely flow on out. Pouring a little warm water through the mouth (I mixed it with some toy cleaner) did the trick pretty well.

Other pros? The suction cup base is great. It's super sturdy and it keeps the thing in place while you're skull-fucking. It also helps the head bob back and forth, which I found pretty awesome. Again, a testament to this toy's realism.

Cons? Well, the face might not be as immaculately detailed as one would hope. Aside from the lifelike hair, it's similar to your average doll's face. But that's no surprise. It looks exactly as it does in the photos, so I didn't feel let down or ripped off. And really, I couldn't give two flying fucks about the facial features.

A toy like this really needs to be phenomenal to justify the plus-sized price tag it's saddled with, and I'm happy to say that the Fuck My Face Mega Masturbator passed the test with flying colors. It's not quite the same as a real woman, but it's probably the next best thing. Even though you could totally hire a prostitute to suck you off for well under the price of this toy. But you know, that ain't legal.

Buy this thing and fuck it. You won't be disappointed.