Review

Dana DeArmond's Role Modeling is a film about all the horny little girls and boys who write to Dana on Myspace and ask her how to get into the porn biz. Gotta love the internet! So Dana has an epitome and thinks, “Hey, I can make a porn movie with these peeps and make some money from them as well! Cool!” She doesn’t say that in the film actually. Her real motivation is of course to be a super-cool role model for all these kids and to help them get a good start in a very exploitive business.

Seriously. I love Dana. She’s pretty freak’n hot and I love her girl-girl, alt-porn and naughty kink stuff. Really, whatever she does, she does pretty damn good. So basically, this is a film with a bunch of want-be porn stars that do it on camera under Dana’s guidance for the very first time. Amateur alt-porn with a bit of gonzo style.

The film works partially as a video diary with Dana meeting the aspiring porn stars, interviewing them, coaching them on how to shave their butt-cracks—that sort of thing—interspersed between their first time scenes. The interviews are cool if you give a shit about their backgrounds and motivations, which I always find fascinating. If you don’t, you can just skip right to the fucking scenes. So everyone’s happy, right?

Scene 1: Rory Tonic, Alec Knight and Sascha
Rory Tonic is a cute little Kewpie-doll Emo chick with a very quiet voice and a bit of a sexy lisp. Rory has a hot arm sleeve tattoo, lily-white skin and the sexiest seductive cat eyes. She teams up for the first time with pro studs Alec Knight and Sascha. Sascha is so fucking hot in this I want to die. Rory can’t seem to get enough of him either and their chemistry is sizzling. She starts off a bit shy as Sascha pulls out his cock and points to it and she giggles, “Yeah, I see it!” It doesn’t take her long to get into the groove however, as they take her panties off and warm her up. Soon she’s sucking both their cocks enthusiastically, looking up for approval. They guys pass her around like she’s a little doll as she sucks one and gets pinned from behind. Her moans are like soft cooing dove noises and she’s so sweet, I want to fuck her myself. Soon she is out-of-her-mind with ecstasy, crying as she sucks dick and gets fucked from below in a reverse-cowgirl impaled lap-dance. The scene is pretty long, with plenty of variation and never slows down or gets boring. Dana comes in near the end and the two get fucked and suck more dick. The scene ends with the guys creaming on her pearly whites as she smiles prettily for the camera. he then runs to Dana who licks the come off her face. Very hot!

Scene 2: Apple McCall and Daniel
Apple is the back-up for another girl who pulled out of production at the last minute. To me, she comes off as trying way too hard to be Alt. She has no tattoos or piercings and says her alt-ness is all about her personality. Yeah, okay. She doesn’t have shoes, panties or a bra when she arrives, so they have to find some stuff to dress her up in. I guess she forgot she was making a porn. She a bit tall and lanky, but doesn’t look too bad when they dress her up. She sucks cock alright. She has a big mouth, so that helps. But she’s not incredibly keen through-out the scene. She’s very passive and kind of just lays there like a sack of potatoes without all the lumps. In the post-scene interview we find out that she is not attracted to Daniel and doesn’t like blondes, which I guess she tells him repeatedly throughout the scene. And she says she feels weird about fucking Daniel ‘cause he’s Dana’s BF. Dana reminds her that all porn stars have BFs and GFs, so that is a bit lame. Now, I can imagine how hot this made Daniel feel during the scene. I’m amazed he got through it, but then he’s a pro. So let’s fast-forward shall we?

Scene 3: Casper Vice and Daniel
Casper is a sweet little ghosty alt-girl from St. Louis, Missouri. She has some facial piercings, nice tats, and a bit of baby fat. In the pre-interview she states that she doesn’t like facials or anal sex and I worry that this scene is going to be a repeat of the last one. However, Casper comes on like a little nympho and is very passionate, animated and vocal throughout the entire scene. She wears striped socks, red sneakers and a leopard print bra which looks hot juxtaposed together. She sucks a mean cock and eyeballs the camera like a pro. She enjoys Daniel playing rough with her and gets more turned on by it when he chokes her and rapes her throat while slamming her hard. By the end she is gagging on his cock and gets it all the way down. Way to go girl! Daniel ends by coming on her tits, but whoops!—he shot some on her face. Is she going to freak? No, she’s cool with it as Dana comes over and licks it off saying, “You’re hot.” And, she certainly is.

Scene 4: Dana DeArmond, Johnny Utah and Daniel
Johnny Utah is the only amateur boy in the group. He’s tall and lanky, with longish dark hair, facial piercings and some nice tattoos including “Rage Hard” written across his knuckles. Johnny reminds me of some of the metal guys I had casual sex with in my teens. He comes off as pretty laid back and not too nervous. I’m really interested in seeing how well he will do for his first time and am secretly routing for him. Dana says she’s nervous as this is her first time with a newbie and Johnny tells his penis not to mess up. Poor guy! The scene starts out awkwardly and it seems neither he nor Dana know quite what to do. Then Dana starts stripping for him as he masturbates. She sucks him for a while and the scene is jump-cut edited which actually works well and makes it more comedic. Daniel enters the scene, as I guess Johnny is having a bit of trouble keeping it up, despite all Dana’s playful frolics. They fuck for a bit with Johnny masturbating beside them. Dana gives them both a hand-job and then Daniel fucks her ass as she sucks Johnny off. In the end she sucks both of them back and forth and is pleased when she makes the “new boy” come on her face and tits. I think Johnny did okay for a first time and realize how hard it is for a guy as he can’t fake it. At least he has bragging rights with Dana.
Scene 5: Andy San Dimas and Jordan Ash
Andy started stripping when she was eighteen and stills does lap dances at the local strip club. She sees porn as a natural progression from that. he has a boyfriend who is cool about her getting into porn at first, but then changes his mind after she shoots the scene. She says he’s a bit insecure, but maybe he is more worried about her performance? Andy’s pretty sweet with nice small tits and great little body. They dress her up in pig-tails and she says that she thinks she’s pretty good at giving blow-jobs as she had lots of practice in high school. Dana reminds her that high school guys are easily impressed. The scene is shot in the back of an old El Camino with a mattress in it. Although Jordon seems like he is enjoying himself, Andy comes off way too strong. She won’t shut-up the whole time and her chatter comes across as a bad facsimile of what she thinks a porn star should sound like. This makes her performance rather synthetic which is too bad, because she had potential. I would recommend playing this scene on mute with heavy industrial music blaring and I think it would work fine. However, Dana seems impressed with her at the end and thinks she will be a huge star. Not if her boyfriend can help it.
Extras: Dana’s Mailbag. Dana smells her feet and reads her dumb, boring emails from idiot fans. This must be the bloopers section. She basically makes fun of the rejects that message her, and while this might be fun for her, it is dumb and boring for the viewer. Really Dana. Just hit the delete button and be done with it!

At the end of the film Dana asks if there should be a sequel. I say, “Hell, ya!” Despite a few unfortunate performances, the good ones more than make up for it. It was cool watching these alt-porn amateurs try to fuck on film for the first time: to cheer them on, laugh with them (no, I’d never laugh at them!) and get to know their personalities a bit. The two girls on the cover, Rory and Casper were great, and the rest just go to prove that doing porn is not quite as easy as some people seem to think. Thanks Dana for a very entertaining film. I hope to see more of this in the future.

 -- Domina Doll

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