Review

I’ll say it right off the bat. This is the tightest thing I’ve ever stuck my wang into. But I wonder, could that be a problem?

I’ve never before encountered a situation where a toy actually proved to be too tight for enjoyment. Usually, it’s quite the opposite. The things usually feel fairly good (because it never really feels bad to stick your ween into something, you know?), but never before have I encountered a toy where it actually caused a little bit of discomfort due to tightness. Seriously, this thing grips you like fuck and doesn’t let go. I was forced to re-lube, like, four times during the course of my whack session, which is sort of a raw deal as far as I’m concerned. Sure, it could just be a case of shitty lube, but still…

Now, keep in mind, gentle masturbatory reader, that you should take this criticism with a grain of salt. As any sexually frustrated scumbag knows, any halfway-decent toy should take a little bit of time to break in. Sure, it was excessively tight on the first attempt, but isn’t that the way a sturdy toy ought to be? The thing’s still fairly new, so I haven’t been able to do any extensive testing yet, but having masturbated into more than my fair share of synthetic beaves, asses, hands, mouths and what-have-you, I can safely say that it will loosen up somewhat after repeated fucks. Will it end up being too loose? Honestly, I doubt it. This thing is not your average, made-to-break, masturbator. It’s molded from a hell of a goddamn thick chunk of Topco’s signature Cyberskin material and it would take a dick three times the size of Blackzilla’s to tear this thing asunder. It’s built to last, which is sort of exceptional given the fourteen-dollar price tag on it.

One last funny fact about this toy: the pussy is tighter than the ass. Some folks may find this to be a problem or even a crime against nature, but I kind of like it that way. For one thing, unlike many men, I find the pussy significantly more enticing than than the anus in terms of holes built for fucking. Secondly, while I’m ramming this thing, I prefer to imagine that the woman I’m ravaging spends most nights getting fucked up the ass and only uses her creamy twat on special guys like me. It makes me feel like I’m somebody special.

Until I have to go clean my cum out of the thing. But hey, it’s got a hole in the back, so that ain’t too tough, either.

 -- The GLUNZ