tanpan wrote on 05/19/2012:

As asked in the TLA Raw internet/catalog description for the x-rated dvd "Avengers a Porn Parody": "Are you a comic nerd?" "YES!". I would have to respond---and taking it even farther...."I'M A HORNY PERVERTED COMIC NERD!!" The one who DREAMED of seeing sexy female characters from various super hero comics, cartoons and sci-fi and fantasy genres getting naked and doing the nasty every since I was 14!!!

Now as an adult...I'm SO HAPPY to see 'porn spoofs' of: 'Batman', 'Spiderman', 'Superman', 'Star Wars' and 'Star Trek', and etc.! I've collected various porn spoofs from the comic and fantasy genre...as well as spoofs of popular sitcoms from the 70's and 80's. They've ranged to pretty good, to average...to really, really bad!

So...after seeing the big budget Hollywood Avengers movie and loving it...when I heard about The Avengers being given the porn spoof treatment by the porn spoof master Axel Braun...I was excited to see how this would turn out. I had previously purchased Braun's 'Star Wars' which surprised me with how good it was for a porno with the great production values...costumes and sets, silly and witty script, decent acting...and pretty decent special effects. (And, of course, the sex wasn't half bad either!) This had me betting that the Avengers would be as good, if not better!

Alas...I was WRONG! The Avengers was a BIG DISAPPOINTMENT!! After shelling out $40 bucks for a 2 disc set...I expected alot better than this. While watching this...I got the feeling that this whole thing was just 'thrown together' as quickly and as cheaply as possible just so it could coincide with the release of the real Avengers movie which has, as of this writing, grossed a little over a billion. It's as if the producers and filmmakers knew that the real movie would be a big hit...and that a porn spoof would automatically make money too. So....they didn't even bother trying with this one. It's like they knew horny, perverted comic nerds would snatch this one up, just because of character recognition, and name brand alone.

I'd have to say that almost 95% of any appeal with this Avengers comes from the costumes alone. Seeing hot actresses in tight spandex super hero tights screwing via "pussy and titty flaps" that open on their uniforms...initially was really hot...(even though it did get old kinda quick!)

But first...the pluses: The casting and acting was average to good. All the women are hot and look good in their costumes. Brendan Miller really gets into it as Thor spouting that 'Shakesperean like dialogue' with gusto. And Dale DaBone is a passable copy of Robert Downey Jr.'s wisecracking Iron Man. The costumes are actually very well done, especially Iron Man's...and as previously mentioned...the open 'breast flaps' and 'crotch flaps' on the women's costumes is an ingenious way to allow the actresses to be naked enough to fuck, while still allowing them to maintain the 'skin tight sexy super hero costume visual' of their characters. Brooklyn Lee is especially hot as Black Widow in her tight black catsuit gobbling the dick of Eric Masterson as Hawkeye.

Lexington Steele as Nick Fury briefly appears to lose his erection...but still has a nice scene with his sexy blond Shield assistant. The rest of the sex scenes are about average.

The story/script is okay...but it, (of course), in no way follows the plotline of the original movie. This story is a little convoluted...but it primarily focuses on the Avengers needing to confront and contain the Hulk??? There is the obligatory lesbian scene with the Scarlet Witch and Spiderwoman. And Spiderman, (not an original Avenger???). actually shows up and has the last sex scene with Ms Marvel. The only way to know who is who in this whole thing, is by what costumes the actors are wearing. There are also a few actors in 'non-sexual roles', like the Hulk...so, be prepared for this.

The negatives: The special effects are minimal and kinda a let down (especially compared to the 'Star Wars' porn parodies effects).. The only thing I remember are CG effects with Scarlet Witch using her mind powers, and Iron Man's flying effects. And I guess in another move to keep the budget down...90% of this is shot at 'Shield HQ' which is just the interior of a badly decorated warehouse. (In order to try and explain the warehouse setting in the context of the story...Hawkeye jokes early on: "The Fantastic Four get the Baxter Building and the Avengers only get this run-down warehouse??!") There are many charcters in this...that aren't in the real movie...and this is fine. (The real Avengers movie had only one main female character...the sexy Black Widow...but this is a porno...so, you've got to have a bunch of female characters for the sex scenes, right?) But Captain America who is suppossed to be "the 1st Avenger" is NO WHERE to be found in this!!!????

SPOILER ALERT: The movie ends with them hinting they found Capt. frozen in a block of ice---a REALLY ANNOYING "semi-cliffhanger", setting everything up for a sequel.

Finally...the main reason I bought this damn dvd was to see Chynna as the She-Hulk. I thought, this is PERFECT CASTING...and I'd love to see this former wrestler and C-List celebrity turned porno chick covered in green body paint--fucking and sucking. This has got to be worth the price of the dvd alone, right? WRONG! Chynna's sex scene with Thor was the biggest disappointment in the whole movie! I realise that Chynna isn't everyone's 'ideal porno chick'...and she's an 'acquired taste'. I think I've heard every cruel joke about her from 'looking like a man'...to being 'a chick-with-a-dick' (do to her oversized clit!) I personally like her and think she has an appeal...and I know even if most guys don't find her attractive they'd still want to see her having sex as She-Hulk, just as a curiosity. I've found that most guys fantasize about sex with her....but it's like that joke about riding a moped or a seagway...they're FUN TO RIDE...but you don't want anyone SEEING you ride it!

Chynna's sex scene with Thor was boring and uninspired. But the thing that bothered me the most was HOW BAD THE GREEN BODY PAINT LOOKED!!! Her body and face looked badly blotched and streaked like the make-up artists just literally splashed the shit on with a paint roller. And Chynna doesn't show her green tits or ass. She has the same mechanism in her costume that allows the crotch to open so she can have vaginal sex. My assumption is that the body paint started to smear and streak so badly that the decision was made to keep her top on. In fact, during close-ups of the hardcore penetration...you actually SEE that some of the green paint has rubbed off her pussy and onto the body of her costume...YUCH!! (Use your own imagination to guess what THIS looks like!!!)

Ironically, on the 2nd dvd of this two-disk set...in the 'Behind the Scenes' section...you actually get to see the make-up artists applying the green body paint to Chynna as they interview her. The make-up actually looked GREAT here...very uniform and believeable (and you get to see green titties!) But in the actual movie...the make-up looks HORRIBLE (streaking do to sweating from being under hot movie lights???). This small segment in the Behind the Scenes was the only thing worth watching. Most Behind the Scenes stuff will have Bloopers, Cast Auditions and Interviews...special effects stuff...etc. But this 2nd disk was really lame...filled mostly with ads, previews, a non-sex version of the film (who the hell wants to watch THAT??!)...and a lame Bonus Sex Scene with another actor as Thor???? with Ms. Marvel???

All in all....Alex Braun REALLY DROPPED THE BALL with The Avengers!!! Maybe it would have been better if they had taken more care and time putting this together instead of just throwing some bullshit together quickly to rip-off fans and capitalize on the real movie. Or maybe it would have been better if this was done by that other porn spoof master Will Ryder. Unless you're really a fan like I am, and have $40 bucks to blow...just rent this movie...or stream it on your computer...or wait for it to go on sale in the 'bargain section'. Or if you have a friend who's a bigger sucker than I am...talk him into buying the dvd...THEN JUST BORROW IT FROM HIM!!

This movie was semi-bad/semi okay. And just from the name recognition and the success of the real Avengers movie, this porn spoof is almost guaranteed to make money and justify a sequel.

But unlike me spending cash on the sure to come real 'Avengers 2' movie coming in a few years...I WILLNOT be buying the porn spoof/parody of the next x-rated 'Avengers 2'!