Review

There are a lot of things you could spend $16.99 on these days but I gauren-fuckin-tee that you're never going to get 9 hours of ass-sex for a price like this! This set collects the first 4 entries in Sin City's ball-grabbingly disgusting series - Assploitations. For the uninitiated among you - you're never going to find more gaping assholes and sphincter pounding than in this series... trust me, I've searched!

Recently, I brought this set out on a date with me in an attempt to convince this new girl I've been stalking to let me stretch her butthole. And, hot damn, it worked! Here's the trick - have a bottle of wine or three to get your bizzo nice and relaxed. After awhile, start to rub the girl's knee a bit and maybe stick your tongue in her ear. Now, here's the part where you have to exercise a little restraint. Here's what you say to her:

Geez baby, I'm really all about jumping your bones right now... but maybe we should take it back a notch or two and watch a movie?

To which she will likely reply:

Hey, why the hell not? But if I stay and watch a movie with you will you give me my car keys back so I can leave?

The textbook reply...

I can't hear you... I've had an ear infection.

So, you stroll over to the DVD player and pop in the Assploitations 4-Pack. Now, the important thing here is to keep referencing the performer's gaping assholes and constantly mentioning how "that can't hurt that bad" and making comments like "after 20 minutes or so, I bet your ass just goes numb." Believe me, after almost 9 hours of watching porn stars like Aurora Snow, Lauren Phoenix and Lucy Thai take it up the pooper, your lady is bound to let you stick it in her shitter. If for no other reason than the fact that she knows that's the only way she's gonna get her car keys back so she can drive the fuck away from you... forever... and then have you arrested.

 -- Spock BUCKTON

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