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Review

The highly awarded Pirates starts off with Isabella (Carmen Luvana) on her wedding night with her new husband, Kris Slater. The scene is short (only about six minutes) and includes the standard fare – cuny, blowjob and three vaginal positions before Kris loses his load on Carmen’s pretty pussy.

Shortly after, Carmen and Kris’s ship is attacked by pirates – led by Captain Victor Stagnetti (Tommy Gunn) and his first-mate, Serena (Janine). Kris is kidnapped and Carmen is thrown overboard.

Evan Stone is a pirate-hunter and captain of the Sea Stallion, his first mate is the sexy Jules (Jesse Jane). She keeps their crew in high spirits with her full lips and tight pussy. She first pleasures Scott Nails in a bedroom below the ship’s deck (Scott holding Jesse’s arms behind her as she slides his cock into her mouth is hot!), ending with Scott’s load in Jesse’s mouth. The crew discovers Carmen floating on a piece of driftwood and agrees to help her save her husband. The only problem, Evan’s never fought a pirate before…

Evan, Jesse, Carmen and the rest of the crew travel to the island of thieves and pirates. Evan meets Christina (Teagan) and Madeline (Devon) who promise to tell him everything they know about pirates… if he’ll only come inside. The girls easily coerce Evan into a drink which quickly intoxicates him. The sex starts with a 69 between Devon and Evan with Teagan sharing cocksucking duties. Devon’s pussy gets pounded and plowed by Evan while Teagan rubs herself to orgasm. Evan spurts on both of their faces to finish the scene.

Back in the local bar where Jesse Jane meets Marco (Herschel Savage) and we learn that the two were lovers… They have quickly made up and Jesse is bouncing cowgirl-style on Herschel’s cock. You won’t want to miss Jesse’s deep-throating skills and the doggy style pounding that Herschel gives in return. Jesse learns of Janine and Tommy’s whereabouts on the island and leaves Herschel heartbroken again.

In the church, Tommy tortures the priest to complete his quest to find an Incan Indian. Does his evil first-mate have a heart after all? Janine sheds a tear as the priest is murdered by her villainous captain. Tommy does get what he wants as the Indian shows himself (the clever Jesse Jane has witnesses the whole ordeal).

Tommy has kidnapped Kris because of his bloodline and he needs the Indian to perform a ritual to show him the location of a mythical island. As Jesse tries to slip out, she is mistaken for a priest by Janine who wishes to confess her sins. Allowing Jesse to escape.

In the meantime, Jesse and Evan meet up only to be threatened with death by Herschel and his men. And Carmen is kidnapped by pirates. Their whore, Jenaveve Jolie, wishes to free Carmen from her garments and have her way with her. Carmen tries her best to resist but once Jenaveve's face is between her legs, there is little she can do. While there’s something inherently hot about watching two sexy bitches fuck each other in the center of a circle of pirates – the added “Slap it”, “Buckle her down” and “Arrrrrghs” get to be a bit much and start to distract from the scene. I wanna hear Jenaveve call herself a whore and tell Carmen to fuck her pussy, not three cheers for the wenches.

Austyn shows up to save Evan and Jesse, but only if Evan will make love to her immediately. How can Evan resist this petite firecracker? Flames surround them as Evan takes her in missionary and doggy before unloading on her face.

Tommy takes notice of Janine’s lack of cruelty and calls her on it. She kindly reminds him of her craftiness and holds a knife to his throat, reminding him of the one desire he has forgotten – lust. Pulling down her pants, she demands him to lick it, by far the hottest moment. Janine continues the domination, shoving Tommy’s head deeper into her salacious cunt, returning the favor with an enthusiastic blowjob. At no point does Janine relinquish her control, demanding Tommy push it harder. Ending with a large load on Janine’s mouth.

Carmen has discovered her love of pussy and a rough scene (smacking, hair pulling, etc) with Jesse ensues.

Evan, Carmen and Jesse follow Janine, Tommy and Kris to the island where Tommy retrieves the treasure he has hunted for so long. There’s a fight between the good guys and the skeleton warriors from that other pirate movie. Do they survive? Does good triumph over evil? What do you think?

One of the final scenes of the movie shows Carmen and Kris, newlyweds reunited – Carmen finally able to release the Spanish whore inside. The final scene is left to the two voracious ladies, Jesse Jane and Janine, who took this year’s award for Best All-Girl sex scene at the AVN Awards.

It’s easy to see why Pirates took so many awards this year… an A-list cast, full, complete story, tons of sex, cool special effects and even a DVD of bonus features. Any fan should have it in their collection.

 -- Ms. Bea Haven