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Review

Check out our VIDEO REVIEW of this flick at POPPORN.COM!

“If you wanna hit me, you better fucking hit me!” –Belladonna

I’ve got to come clean and admit that I never saw the first one. But Evan Stone catches us up on the story, and there’s a lot of it. I’d say that’s a bad thing, if not for the intense fucking packed in the film. It’s a handsome 4-disc set. You get the movie, the extended sex scenes, behind the scenes, and if that’s not enough extras, you get a whole disc more of special features.

Now I started watching the movie, and we see the pirates chasing down some old minister, or reverend, or preacher, or something, who swallowed a glowing marble. In typical pirate fashion, they cut it out of him, and I’m thinking, “Wait a minute! Where’s the fucking? Isn’t this a porno?” Then Evan Stone comes onscreen to make me momentarily feel better. We’re sure to get to some fucking now. But, no. The pirate story goes on.

It’s cool if you’re into pirate movies. I’m not. I’m more into films about cross-country journeys to find yourself, or time travel, but mostly all I watch is porno. So I open up my fancy 4-disc box set, and slip disc two into my dvd player. All porno!

Shay Jordan gets fucked so hard by a couple of deckhands that she loses her fake Chinese accent. The Governor fucks his two nearly identical servant girls side-by-side. Then Belladonna and Jesse Jane answer the age-old question, “fuck or fight?” by choosing both. Lots of slapping, spanking, choking, fingering, and squirting ensue.

Then it’s pirate orgy time! For some odd reason, Evan Stone sits this one out and just watches as three pirate dudes and five slave girls fuck in what appears to be some fancy opium den. If I was him, I would have gotten it out and whacked it. But he wisely holds out, because he’s got a big scene with petite slave girl, Jenna Haze. And that little girl has a filthy mouth and a tiny ass that somehow manages all of Evan Stone’s big wang.

My load has been blown several times now, and I haven’t even gotten to the scenes of St. Croix, Stoya, Brianna Love, Katsuni, and SASHA-fucking-GREY. This movie is the Ocean’s Eleven of porno movies. It’s got hours of entertainment, so much star-power, and worth viewing multiple times that I can’t recommend it enough. Totally worth all the bucks.

 -- Gerald Geraldson