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Review

“WHAT’S IN THE FREEZER?! WHAT’S IN THE FREEZER?! Boy oh boy, am I a sucker for a good old fashioned love story. Imagine my surprise in encountering this twisted early '80s gem brought to us by some noted Italian dude (Lamberto Bava). Apparently inspired by true events, the story opens as the lovely Mrs. Baker (Bernice Stegers) prepares for a romp with her lover. As soon as her husband departs for a business trip, she leaves her children alone to play and heads out, much to the suspicion of her evil little jerk of a daughter, Lucy.

Now we all know there’s only way to lure your mother home from the arms of her boy toy, that’s right, you’ll need to drown your little brother. After that’s done, you’ll have to give her a ring on the telephone to let her know he’s dead. And hopefully, just maybe if the stars align, the bastard ruining your family will be impaled (and decapitated) by a guardrail on the frantic drive back to the house. That’ll fuck her day up for sure, and most likely send her to the loony bin. But what to do when somehow she manages to continue this illicit affair, in the most despicable and awesome manner?

Macabre offers a response to the age old question: How do you preserve a great love lost? The answer? You freeze their head and fuck it, DUH! That’s pretty much it, but apparently life isn’t that simple, because Mrs. Baker’s psychotic daughter keeps coming around stirring up trouble, and her blind landlord, lured by the sounds of intense love making on a nightly basis, won’t stay the hell out of her room. When the truth is (FINALLY) revealed all hell breaks loose.

Bernice Stegers shows off her tits and ass aplenty (she’s got a great bee hind by the way), and hopefully that will distract you from the terrible accents, raging inconsistencies and the slow as molasses pace of the film. Truthfully, it gets pretty boring at times, and could have been trimmed down a bit, but the surprise (completely out of left field-what the shit) ending may just be worth your time. Also, the soundtrack is godawfully epic. It’s something like a cross between elevator music and sleaztastic '70s porno music… matter of fact; it’s probably the music they played in the elevators of 70s porno companies… yeah.

In the end, my thoughts are this, If this nutty ass broad wants to live out the rest of her days arranging sexy candlelight dinners and having earth shattering orgasms with her lover’s severed head, let her do just that. What, you’ve never loved someone to that degree? Well then you certainly haven’t lead a very interesting life, now have you?

 -- Flavius Ferrari