Review

Having spent the first twenty-eight years of my life in England my exposure to Latino culture has been pretty slim, bar the guy from Sesame Street and the occasional Speedy Gonzales cartoon. So to aid in this review I called upon my friend Rick who's knowledgeable in all things "South o' the Border."

What I totally forgot was that Rick has always had the hots for me, so it was only when the credits rolled that I realized I we were watching something that could fire his loins. Would I get through this unmolested?

This is Latino Fan Club’s fourth visit to the ever popular Club Coqui, a New York go-go bar where the meat is uncut, the papis plentiful and the banjee boys as nasty as they come. See, I’m learning already.

The club’s first audition for dancers sees Mike and Juan Leche strutting their stuff whilst bar manager Frankie struggles to keep a straight face. Rick pointed out how tricky it must have been to find the only two Latinos in Manhattan that lacked a sense of rhythm. The dancing gets dirtier and Frankie takes the two for a test-drive. (I was pleased to learn the atrocious soundtrack is actually derived from traditional folk music of the Cock-Sucking Shepherds of Old Puerto Rico’s mountain region. Thanks for that, Rick.) The three indulge in some mega pinga swallowing that ends with Frankie getting covered in his new employees’ hot sauce.

A sizzling solo strip show from the incredibly hung Rico follows. Rick got out the Yellow Pages to locate the actual club, pointing out with rapidly diminishing interest that though Rico was sexy, it was good he wore the dog-tags, because his show is about to die.

There’s a sub-plot involving talent-booker Chulo and his best dancer, Viper, that began to grow on me, especially in a budget-conscious cheerily acted sorted of way. But they started talking about lovely ladies, so I welcomed the beginning of the next scene and the 100% man-on-man antics of tattooed Spade sucking dancer Onyx’s inches. The guy is a little thin to be a big crowd-puller on-stage, but I’m glad the scrawny-guy-with-big-cock (Chad Hunt, Jason Sizemore) also exists in the Latino community too.

J.J. Bonz is yet another new dancer being given a pre-show pep-talk by staff rep Joieto, who’s idea of employer-employee relations is called in to play when Bonz’ dong escapes his show-costume. (Rick commented they were too big and baggy to be briefs; they should be called “prolonged-johns”.) Rick’s sarcasm disappeared when Joieto made J.J.’s junta-jabber wet with saliva. He began uncomfortably shifting in his seat - making me plan my escape route should he try and jump on me. Luckily the dirty-talking Bonz shot his stew-juice over Joeito’s handsome dreadlocked face and the scene ended. Rick commented a mouth like that would go down a storm at Riker’s.

A dressing-room solo from coverguy The Beast is next, oiling himself up and jerking off for a little too long, so long in fact that Rick sighed that they should have named the film Latin Slowboys. Beast pulls out a phone and starts doing the dirtiest of dirty talk that got Rick a little hot again, but I’d already moved to the next scene.

Further auditions for replacements go-go boys: Xavier performs for Spade, getting him so hot he’s sucking dancer dick in seconds. The word on the street must be let one of Club Coqui’s many managers go down on you and you’ll be off welfare in no time. Spade is so talented that Rick wagered that he could probably drink a glass of water, sing and go down on a guy all at the same time. The most sexually varied scene so far sadly isn’t the raunchiest, but when Spade gets his fuckstick up Xavier’s freshly eaten hole, I heard some very ardor-heightening noises I prayed were coming from the TV screen.

Rico stumbles across another potential employee, Jovani, stripping him to get to his meat, and possibly to dispose of his shirt that clashed with the wallpaper way too much. Their suck-session is interrupted by the arrival of Tato (if he was penniless would that make him a po’Tato) and his roughneck buddy Prettyboy Thug. (Bet the priest had two raised eyebrows and a few questions during that baptism!) The foursome’s oral orgy is over way too quickly, which is a shame because it had a lot of erotic potential.

The finale ties up the sub-plot as Chulo admits he’s got the hots for Viper. Instead of pulling out a gun Viper pulls out his equipment and slowly torments his admirer with it. Rick took a hit on his pot-pipe and gulped in a drawl that meant I was in trouble: "Oh yeah this is soooo fucking hot…" Viper’s getting off on this "look but don’t touch" tease, slowly allowing Chulo closer, simultaneously chiding him "why you gotta be so hasty?" (Well, durrr…) and allowing a tongue to touch the intense overhanger. Viper’s move to face-fucking Chulo will drive everyone over the edge, including Rick who’d unbuckled and was spanking whilst I acted oblivious, burying my head in my notebook and pretending to scribble masses of notes. I couldn’t face Rick from then on (and why had the room got so warm?) but when Viper started pounding Chulo’s ass, both groaning with pleasure, I bet his eyes popped.

When the onscreen duo began to dirty-talk about cumming I knew I was gonna be in serious trouble as soon as the scene ended, so thank God Rick’s partner came home from basketball practice early! The sound of my Guardian Angel’s key in the door stopped Rick from potentially ruining our friendship once again, but I’ll bet that night they had the best sex they’ve ever had.

As for the film itself, this ultra-hot flick proved you don’t have to spend mega-bucks to make electrifying porn, as the right chemistry between the right performers can make everything fall into place. As I walked the snow-filled streets of South Philadelphia that cold February night I was happy that an admiration for a whole new genre of erotica had just been opened to me.

 -- Froufrou A. Gogo