Review

Hungary Horny Hippos - a new game for all the family. Once again director Haller has scoured the Eastern Bloc, promising to deliver us another batch of fresh-faced, nubile young cuties, all foreskinned and uninhibited. Can he? Of course Conny can! I’ve always been nervous of these guys though. Maybe it’s because I’m a big old Jew and suffer Mel Brook’s affliction of being totally obsessed by the Nazis, but I can’t help think it actually says Hung Aryans.

Don't get too worried: I can’t look at a psychotherapist either, without thinking of Psycho The Rapist.

We start with gorgeous scythe boy Borsos (on the cover with Nemeth) working in the fields. As the sun beats down, he decides to take a breather, removing his shirt to reveal a tanned slightly hairy young gym toned chest.

Knocking back the potato juice and nibbling on carrots, he stumbles on the sort of idea not even Bugs Bunny would have contemplated in his most horny of moods. Yep, he fucks himself with a carrot! And he looks great doing it too, working his uncut beef stick at the same time. I just hope the carrot didn’t get misplaced and ended up being served by the caterers.

He fantasizes that three guys on horseback appear; well, a carrot will only get you so far. They all strip and pair off, which was a relief because I thought the horses might get involved.(After all, we’ve had a vegetable, it’d only be a matter of time before animal and mineral turned up.) Borsos kisses dark Nagy whilst blonde Laszlo helps himself to Nemeth. After a brief exaggerated tonsil-hockey session, the guys gather round Laszio’s impressive apparatus and tuck in. But hey, this is Borsos’ fantasy - shouldn’t they be doing it to him?

Nemeth assumes the position and gets an expert plunging from Laszio whilst Borsos gets an equally frenetic rodgering from Nagy. (Is carrot juice a suitable lubricant?( And a threshing machine rolls by in the background. Awfully liberal, these Euro-farmers! This is one fucking horny al fresco fuck that sees the foreskinned foursome fertilize the cornfield the only way they can. It’s gonna be a bumper harvest this year!

Cut to a barn. At first I thought I was seeing a Breakfast Club-era Ally Sheedy having sex with her clone until we got a close-up, revealing dark haired beauties Vegvari and Newman. Slim Newman makes light work of swallowing his partner’s huge meat whilst truly atrocious music plays over the soundtrack. And what’s with that dog barking? Who let the dogs out? This brief scene sees Newman straddling Vegvari , who’s pumping for all he’s worth before both shoot and hit the hay exhausted. I couldn’t help but think of Teri Garr in Young Frankenstein at this point: “Roll, roll, roll in za hay!”

Along comes Nemeth, who finds that his uncle has just died, leaving him a factory in Budapest. I hope it’s a carrot factory. So off he heads to Budapest. On foot. What a hick. He sees a skinny-dipping trio, Chekov, Peterson and older muscular Szabo. The three are in the throes of passion and once back on shore Peterson gets a great rimming from Szabo whilst choking on Chekov’s sizeable equipment. Szabo keeps up the rimming duties, working his magic on Chekov’s hole as the young stud fucks his blonde buddy in another al fresco shag-session that proves “Summer loving - had me a blast!” All three shoot, with Szabo greedily licking his juice off Chekov’s smooth outstretched torso as he lays in the grass.

Borsos finally makes it to Budapest where he spends the evening in the hotel bar, getting tipsy with Palko and Balint. One Amstel too many and Borsos collapses in a drunken heap, so the two good samaritans carry him back to his hotel room. (This happened to me once, but the turds stole my wallet en route!) Once in the room the two studs decide to strip him and take advantage. As they caress his gorgeous body (nobody told them it only takes a carrot to make his ardor go harder) they too shed their clothes, revealing muscular toned bodies that are simply edible! Palko soon cures Borsos of his brewer’s droop with an oral aphrodisiac whilst Balint French-kisses Sleeping Beauty back to consciousness. A great threesome occurs that will set your smoke alarms off as Pallo fucks them both before all three cover the hotel sheets with their goulash.

Borsos finds the factory the next day, and sadly, it’s an abandoned dump. Like most of Eastern Europe really. As he dejectedly surveys the mess, wondering whether to convert it to a prison or student dorms (whatever takes the less redecorating) his vivid imagination kicks in and six of the cast appear from behind pillars - naked and horny!

So begins a seven man orgy, with the versatile performers looking like they are genuinely having fun. It begins with Borsos being spitroasted by Nemeth and Laszlo in the first of the series of erotic vignettes. Elsewhere Peterson facefucks the scrummy Nagy before mounting Chekov, who caresses his muscled young flesh in time to the rhythmic poundings. Determined to upstage everyone Laszlo works his inches (in great low-angled camera shots) before ramming his way inside Nemeth, pulling faces that make him look like a blonde Angelica Huston mixed with Carly Simon and Barbra Streisand!

The dénouement finds the fantasy studs beating off in a circle jerk, as Borsos lies on the floor ready to receive their offerings. The camera represents his point of view, as the spooge flies over (and frequently hits) the lens. I guess his uncle didn’t die in vain after all!

Dissolve to reality with the still semen-covered naked Borsos on the floor. OK, so he’s piss poor and got a shit-heap of bricks as a legacy, but he’s got a great imagination to keep him warm at night. And he could always grow carrots.