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Skinopsis

There is a downside to chicks sunbathing topless. Sure, it's awesome when we can sneak peaks of them on the beach giving their sweater puppies some UV rays, but this proliferation of toasted titties has all but eliminated the sheer joy of seeing a pair of purecreamy white titties bursting out of a tanned body. That's what's so fucking great about Glori-Anne Gilbert who in this campy erotic "horror" (it's not scary, just sexy) has some truly amazing simulated sex scenes where her ginormous globes in all their untanned glory bounce up-and-down like an ADHD kid on a trampoline. Our favorite scene was the bathtub lesbian threesome where Glori bumps and grinds (and moans, boy can she ever moan) with Barbie Bennett and Jules de Wilde who sadly have clearly spent some time in a tanning booth as their huge gazongas are a crisp shade of burnt siena. It's not that we wouldn't want to shoot a load onto their huge gorgeous tits, it's just that Glori's glories seem so pure and untainted (even though she's a dirty softcore slut) and that is why she is awesome.

The only big name in this Secret Key sextravaganza is Taylor Wane who seems to have more and more silicone pumped into her tits every movie. We don't have a problem with fake tits, but do they have to be so shamelessly fake. It's like somebody glued a pair of flesh balloons to a this skinny chick's body. And come on! Another face lift, seriously Taylor stop having flesh sucked out of your face and put into your lips. Oh well, at least she doesn't shave her crotch bald.

-- Rick Stanko