Review

Okay, first of all, what the hell is up with the lighting in this film? At first I thought it was my crappy TV, but even after I turned the brightness all the way down, it still looked as if the film was shot directly on the surface of the sun. The indoor scenes are a bit better, but the studio should consider including special eyewear with the film. It’s sometimes hard to tell where a pelvis ends and a penis begins!

Aside from the blinding lighting, Hotel Cazzo is still an above-average exercise in Euro-porn. Set amidst the dazzling scenery of Tuscany, the film brings together a luscious gaggle of men from all over the Continent – all with one thing in common – they simply adore dick!

In the film’s opening sequence, seasoned porn monkey Christophe and youthful Bianco blow each other’s trumpets before getting into some smokin’ 69 action. After inhaling each other’s pipes, Christophe snakes Bianco’s drain with his substantial butt-banger. The action is fast and furious, and Bianco unloads a torrent of joy juice that threatens to drown the entire village!

Rangel and Justin are the next two contestants on “Who wants to fuck someone else up the ass?” Both of these men are pleasant to look upon, with their sinewy bodies, Moroccan/Tunisian looks and substantial sun-burnished sperm shooters. After bringing each other to a gooey climax through oral/genital horseplay, these two dusky dreamboats get to the bangety-bang. Rangel is on top, but Justin is a voracious bottom, and he rides Rangel like a happy pony.

Next, it’s time for poolside frolic with a heavily inked skinhead (de Moor) and a well-hung, goateed gent (Kern). de Moor floats on up to Kern’s erect and impressive member, which he promptly sticks into his mouth for some spirited sucking. Kern then has a go at de Moor’s meat, followed by a mutual wank-a-thon. Still hungry for more man-on-man action, these two retire to the great indoors, where Kern slams de Moor in the shitter ‘till the cows come home. (Note: The film has no actual bovine interaction. The cow reference was used here as a literary device designed to induce chuckling).

In the next scene, Kyper (hirsute, swarthy Greek) is playing a familiar tune on Risi’s (blonde, mustachioed, genitally blessed) skin flute. Conway (tall, scruffy, probably not Jewish) then joins in the fun. Before you know it, you’ve got yourself an old fashioned three-way! The trio then moves indoors, where Kyper serves up some oral gratification before offering up his fuzzy dumper to the other two.

Justin is back in the next scene, where he goes at it with lily-white coverboy Finnegan. Justin bangs the living crap out of Finnegan’s Celtic crapper with his Moorish manrammer before they booth produce ample loads. Finnegan then gets embroiled in a foursome featuring Blanc, Romano and Bianco, where his poor tushie is used as a plaything once again. At the film’s climax, Finnegan ends up covered in guy-glaze.

 -- T.J. Maxxwell