Review

Whether you prefer beef, tuna or a surf-and-turf combination of ‘em both, there’s sure to be something for everyone in Goosed for 3: A Bisexual Love Affair. Following Goosed Again, the GayVN double award winner for best bi vid of 2001 Goosed for 3 has a lot to live up to.

Once again, there’s a tenuous nursery rhyme motif, with crayon-scribbled backdrops, characters speaking in playfully stilted verse and a cameo by Mother Goose herself (Nina Hartley), who’s recently dubbed herself “Madame G.”

Newlyweds Blake Harper (as “Robin Redbreast”) and Keri Windsor (as “Jenny Wren”) put-put into the coloring-book town of Toyland, where Keri has taken a job as a TV reporter for the local news station. Blake is content to be a happy homemaker.

Their first stop in Toyland is to check out their new home, shaped like a giant red shoe and recently vacated by some wretched old hag. There, the realtor (director Tina Tyler) and the married couple engage in a moist three-way. Keri and Tina nibble and lick each other’s udders, then Tina goes face-first into Keri’s wooly bush. Tina then breaks out the sex toys (in a comical but technically clumsy sleight-of-hand effect, she retrieves about a dozen large dildos from a ridiculously tiny bag).

Meanwhile, Blake depants and strokes his stiffening dick while observing the girlies from across the room. He then feeds his throbbing cock to Tina while Keri takes a turn eating out Tina’s puss. With the ladies assuming the 69 position, Blake helps his wife slurp on Tina’s hoo-hoo, then inserts his stiff tool into her. Keri crawls away to pleasure herself with a vibrator, watching on as Blake samples Tina’s tuna salad and then jabs it repeatedly with his cock. Things heat up even more once Keri drives a thick, bumpy dildo up Blake’s tight muscular ass. Predictably, our boy is soon hurled into orgasm.

Yeah, we know what he likes!

Arriving early for a dinner date, Blake and Keri spy on some titillating girl-on-girl action between Shannon McCullough (as Margery Daw) and Asia Carrera (as Georgi Porgy). Blake and Keri peer through the bedroom window in mock shock as Asia and Shannon share their pies with each other.

The next scene is an instant 4-star-worthy cocksucking classic. Sonny the tool man (Matt Bradshaw) gets double sucked by “the Cousins” Tweedle-Dumb (Jacob Taylor) and Tweedle-Dumber (Pepper) while a completely stunned Blake watches with peculiar interest. I must say - Matt’s looking terrifically fit and his cock seems as plump and delicious as ever. His mighty bone is serviced by the adorable bleach-blonde twinks, who both know how to suck nut and swallow sword exquisitely. Next we watch as Matt gets rimmed and blown simultaneously. Blake inches closer and closer to the action, but remains a mere bystander for the duration. Instead, Matt and the boys hit the deck and assume a three-way sixty-nine, followed by a sweaty round of tight ass fucking, capped off as Matt gushes a thick load on Jacob’s nape, which he then laps up.

Next, TV celebrity Scooter (Brady Martin) gets to decide who gives the best head: Simon (Hans Ebson) or Polly (Dru Berrymore). The uncontested verdict: boys suck cock better than girls do. (No duh!)

Next up is channel-surfing Little Johnny (Tuck Johnson), who gets all hot and bothered fantasizing about Jenny and Scooter on the telly. While caressing his impressive shaft, he whips out a ludicrously large purple dildo and proceeds to tuck it all the way into his alimentary canal, totally submerged. Shouting “Fuck me! Fuck me with that long dick!” to no one in particular, Tuck blows out a rich, creamy load. The camera then pans down to Tuck’s puckering, dilating hole and we witness him giving hands-free birth to the 18-inch purple dildo.

Finally, Blake and Keri find their sought-after third in Brady. In an idyllic (and all-too-cheesy) white satin sheet background, they consummate their bond. After some mutual muff diving by the boys, Brady takes turns fucking both Blake and Keri. Brady and Blake kiss a bit, bit Blake’s the only one who has fish and meat. After a double creaming, we end on a soulful three-way kiss.

This playful romp is light on plot and heavy on the slurpy, squirty goods. Production values are far above average, despite a handful of clunky “effects” and the cast is simply scrumptious.