Review

No, Goldenrod isn’t another Austin Powers spoof, though the title certainly out-sasses Goldmember for sheer multiple entendre power.

The titular Goldenrod, a magnificent gilded dildo forged way, way back in 1939, is the prized possession of a dying old man. Frightfully, it’s been stolen, so the old coot hires two private dicks (Johnny Brosnan and Sam Tyson) to retrieve it.

Equipped with a map and warnings about a desolate mausoleum, the two detectives split up to canvas the old man’s sprawling estate in search of the famed 24-carat ass-plunger. Johnny quickly spies a duo beneath a tree, picnicking on each other’s plump cocks. Buff blondie Brad Hanson gives lusty Latino Antonio Marquez’ girthy hooded tool a full deep-suck workover, before sliding his own throb-rod down Antonio’s eager throat. Soon Antonio spit-shines Brad’s furry hole and pile-drives his ample tool deep inside, right there out in the open.

Meanwhile, Sam checks out the studio, where he sneaks up on - and soon disrupts - a photo shoot. The photographer (Cody Foster) is clicking away at an adorably scrumptious young krimpet (Ryan Alexander) when he asks his sexy subject to "get it hard". Ryan retorts with a deliciously coy "can you help me?", and in an instant every cock in the house - including yours - is standing at rigid attention.

Sam knocks over a prop wall, briefly embarrassing himself as he’s caught peeping, and then with another diabolically innocent "can you help me?" invitation from puppy-dog-cute Ryan, he joins the fray. Suddenly three-way! Largely hung Ryan makes exquisite love to Cody’s muscled ass, then Ryan slides his fat piece of boy meat into Sam’s offered heinie, his plump young ’nads swinging and bumping against the underside of the private eye’s raided pink eye. Sam winds up covered in a triple splatter of vanilla goo.

Oh, but there’s more to come. The detectives espy some high-suction fellatio in a deep-woods shack between blond jock hunk Park Wiley and his lusty playmate Sal Corelli.

Then, off in that mausoleum, it’s revealed that two beefy muscle daddies (Jim Slade and Paul Johnson) have the elusive Goldenrod and they plan to use some of its great power during a sex ritual. After a sixty-nine slurp job right there on the stone-cold mausoleum floor, Jim sweatily pounds Paul’s caboose. No sooner does their man lava spurt when Sam and Johnny, who’ve been watching all along, abscond with the shimmering golden cock.

Before returning the Goldenrod to its rightful owner, Sam and Johnny have a frisky twirl with it. After much mutual sucking and slurping and sliding of their impressive cocks, Johnny administers the lubricated Goldenrod to Sam’s puckering clench hole. Thoughtfully, they wipe it clean before handing it over to the old man… who’s got his own plans for its administration.