Review

Altogether now:
The hills are alive with the sound of fucking!
With butts we have tongued... for a thousand years!

It’s another Ikarus/YMAC “big and little guys” film set in Switzerland. Guess director Haller had access to the camcorder for a few more days after shooting Alpine Passions, so waste not want not.

The music is very oompah-oompah (stick it up your jumper!) and after a while it gets so annoying it’ll strip the enamel from your teeth. Never mind, we’re on a choo-choo and the rhythmic clickety-clack of the tracks and the shaking (I’m gonna be sick) enflame the passions of Love and Dominick.

The two suck each other as the train heads in and out of tunnels, leading to some very cool night/day lighting, before the two abandon the train altogether and get naked in a nearby shed. I’m supposing it’s where the Swiss hid during World War II - it’s big and out of the way. After more mutual masturbation Love rubbers up and takes cover model Dominick anally. Soon our two foreskinned frankfurters are spraying kiddie-batter everywhere.

Dominick buggers off (he’s a snowboarder, no doubt he’s got some gnarly things to do, dude - or whatever lingo they talk these days) leaving Love to explore the loveshack (tin roof - rusted!) spying on Jason D. and Pascale going for it in one of the guest bedrooms. Bottle-blonde Jason spreads his partner’s buttcheeks wide, tonguefucking him before letting his stiff prick do the rest of the work. Love looks on lovingly, but being the perfect gentleman, doesn’t interfere.

Dissolve to an alpine town shot (what we in the business we call show call an establishing shot) and we bring up a video effect wipe that you lesser people could mistake for one of the chalets exploding. Our young chaps are enjoying a hearty breakfast. They natter in "foreign" but there’s no subtitling so God knows what they say, before everyone breaks into English then back to "foreign." It’s as if everyone’s Babel Fish (you read "The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy") had one last gulp of air then died.

The boys frolic in the snow (cue the oompah music) and I’m sure Blondie says something in foreign that sounds exactly like "Take me!" so I’m sticking with that. Two of the lads get bored and head off for secluded areas for a bit of snow-covered knee-trembling. It’s naughty Love and back coverstar Weiss trading blowjobs before shooting over each other’s chests. Yummy!

A brief shot of a donkey with Donatella Versace hair and we end up at the next scene. Braun, the electrician, has been called by Nervous Nellie homeowner Locust. But, hey, who cares if his guests are electrocuted by faulty heated blankets because these two have only got one thing on their minds. Wish there were subtitles here: "That’s a large impressive tool. Would you like to put it in my box?" Braun, who you’ll remember from Frankfurt Stories, completely tongue worships his client before taking him over the wine rack. Each shoot over Braun’s impressive body. Great customer service these guys have. Nice cuckoo clocks too.

In the dining room that night half the guests make their excuses and leave when they see the fondue set brought out. (And wouldn’t you? There is no way cheese could ever be made interesting.) They speak in broken English and suggest a game "like-a-da-strip-poker" but I don’t think I understood the rules at all. Soon beautiful Pepper is naked so I lost all thoughts of plot. Dissolve to an amazing hot scene featuring him and Pascale, Weiss and Morand. Pepper is stretched over the table contorting in pleasure as he’s held down and receiving the oral attention of Pascale. Who knew fondue could get anyone this aroused! Pepper (easily the hottest of the group) fucks Morand who shoots mid thrust. The others all cum and this great scene ends.

Daybreak sees Jason D. and Locust as they slurp over each other’s morning woodies. Locust is massive - luckily old Jason. They frottage for a bit before Jason rides his boyfriend to a batter splatter sixty-nine climax. Maid, change these sheets!

Morand goes in search of a midnight snack, finds a rude magazine and plays with himself on the stairs. Peck spies him (his house, his rules) and feeds the hungry Morand yogurt off his delicious body, before they head to the larder and Peck offers up his spotty ringpiece. Finally they flip-flop and the two’s ejaculatory action salutes the end of this great scene.

The next morning Peck and Jason D. get busy in the shower as poor Pepper tries to shave next to them. C’mon guys - shaving is very personal and your antics could cause poor Pepper to sever an artery! It’s no use being coy and Pepper dives in with them, leading to a very spunky, soapy three-way where everyone sucks everyone and Peck bottoms so well his semen-chute-spew deserves a slow-motion replay. And gets it, too.

I’m guessing the Swiss are liked fucked-up Catholics; their religious ceremonies also feature young men and candles, but nothing like what comes next. Love sits on a table whilst Morand, Pepper and Braun line up in front of him. He drips candle wax on himself whilst Gregorian chants play in the background and I’m thinking whatever happened to that band Enigma. Quick trade secret here: If you are gonna use candles make sure the wax drops from a great height, allowing it to slightly cool before it hits your skin. But I digress. This great scene sees Pepper suck Braun whilst Morand is taken by Peck on the ritual table. Pepper fucks Braun whilst Peck gets babba-stabbed by Morand. Morand finally gets it from Braun as the rest jerk off over him, bringing this hot fuckfilm to its climax.

A great film, let down by way too much feedback on the sound. All that buzzing makes it feel like they filmed this thing on an unexploded doodlebug.