Review

Fist for Hire 1: On the Prowl:
I’ll never forget the time a former roommate of mine was packing an overnight bag for a “fisting weekend.” Along with the lube, gloves and travel douche (and substances usually best described as “recreational”) he packed Imodium. “Why?” I asked, dumbfounded, to which he replied: “Well, it keeps what’s up there, up there.”

Some of the guys on show in this 1999 handballathon double-bill from Hot House’s Club Inferno (both released uncut for the first time on DVD) put themselves through so much anal trauma Imodium isn’t gonna be of much use.

Might I recommend Crazy Glue as a way of keeping what’s up there, up there?

Welcome back to sunny San Francisco, where vacationing Anderson stumbles upon the Fist for Hire agency and decides to give them a call. It’s nice to know that where most cities offer babysitting services or tourist guides, Sodom on the San Andreas guarantees no hole is left unfulfilled.

Lucky Anderson strikes gold as his rent boy turns out to be horny hairy studmuffin Vaccaro and unsurprisingly wastes no time getting on his knees and indulging in a kitchen scene so hot these two could fry bacon on their bodies! Ultra-beautiful Anderson (see him also shine in Powersurge) sucks Vaccaro’s pole till he’s so hot he can stand it no longer, offering up his ass and putting the tabletop scene in Postman Always Rings Twice to shame. Unrestrained passion is released as Vaccaro pummels his customer’s hole.

But hang on…I thought this video was all about fisting.

Not to worry, we’re all nicely warmed up as we cut to Harrison Quaid (a sexy cross between Harrison Ford and Dennis Quaid) cruising Polk Street in his car (narrowly avoiding the crack whores who populate the area, too). Quaid picks up red-headed, red-blooded Ward and invites him back to his buddy’s birthday party. Turns out it’s a fisting birthday party. Whatever, as long as everyone gets a piece of cake in a napkin to take home with them.

But the party has one problem. Daft twat Quaid invited bottoms only! Not the best planner, but better than my last group get together. I thought it was a surprise party. Turned out to be an intervention, where everyone tried to tell me I had a problem whilst injecting each other’s eyeballs with PCP.

Ward is happy to help (at a price) and is invited to meet birthday boy Smith, who must have thought it was a Beatles tribute party judging by his pudding bowl haircut. But that big dick never quits and Ward is soon giving the slingbound stud something else to concentrate on other than that bottle of Southern Comfort he’s swigging from. Warp Drive begins and adjectives run out as soon as the dirty director’s hand slides straight up Kelly’s Eye.

No “Duck Duck Goose” or “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” played at this party though - their games include up-to-the-elbow vocal-heavy punch-fucking that gets even wilder when Ward produces a bowling pin (yep!) bearing the legend “Happy Birthday” printed on it (double yep). And all the time debuting Kelly is staying rock-hard, Ward sucking the beauty as his elbow scrapes Kelly’s inner walls. You gotta see that cum hit Ward’s goatee - wow!

But what’s a party without other guests, and here’s Quaid, with Bellini, who can’t wait to sample Ward’s famed skills for himself, almost swallowing the masterful red-head whole, leaving him speechless.

Kelly gets another go being Lambchop, taking both Bellini’s hands at once whilst Quaid offers ass-slaps and encouragement. More guests arrive, including Evrett and Nicaste (shoving a baton right up there) making greedy Kelly scream for joy as they take turns giving the Birthday Boy a special treat.

Kelly takes a breather whilst Quaid, Evrett and Bellini throw their legs in the air (like they just don’t care!) for an inspection by Ward and Nicaste. This amazing sequence reminded me of performing scenes lined up in front of honking horns, as each lets out squeals and moans that become music to the fisting aficionado’s ears. Ring my bell Bellini! Way to be splayed, Quaid! And how could we forget Evrett? After this party no one will be walking for a while, and that includes you - that hard-on in your pants will be with you for a long time.

Back to the kitchen, where coverstars Vaccaro and Anderson are determined to get their money’s worth, Anderson having his ass shaved to prepare for SF’s "Big One". The kissing couple soon discovers that it’s "Fist for Hire" after all and how could anyone turn down such an offer? Starting slowly, Vaccaro works his way into that tight ass with his fingers, all the time Anderson wanting more. When these two sweaty studs have finished twenty minutes later you’ll be tearing through the Yellow Pages trying to find the company number yourself!

As is standard with most of these fabulous DVD releases, Hou House has pulled out all the fists (sorry, stops) and provided galleries, bios, trailers, links and great behind the scenes footage, giving a thirty minute look at the filming of Vaccaro and Anderson’s kitchen scene.

Wonderful wet-shots, top notch performances, lighting and camerawork as this parade of hairy dick-of-death dudes gets down and dirty with their dexterous digits. And yes, things get even hotter with the saddle-sore-sexy-sequel.
-Froufrou A. Gogo

Fist for Hire 2: Working the Job:
What were Citizen Kane’s final words as he shuffled off This Mortal Coil? Rosebud. Hmmm... He must have had this Hot House / Club Inferno double-bill clearly in mind, because sure as sugar there are at least four different ones on display here.

Welcome to the second half of Fist for Hire, another red-hot handball session of such intense bottom-bliss you’ll be cumming in your jockstrap before you’ve unwrapped the plastic cover.

Back to San Francisco, the city with no shame. Where you can’t smoke in the bars, but the management won’t bat an eyelid if you fist the clientele on the pool table.

Here we’ve lost some performers from the original (though Vacarro and Anderson do appear in a thirty minute DVD extra) but they’ve been replaced with sizzlers even better. Yep, Fist for Hire is San Francisco’s premier Bigger Brother Agency, catering to Northern California’s many lonely holes, where “We Never Close” is the customers’ motto.

Let’s start this delightfully nasty piece of work shall we? Which hole is sexy Kevin Scott stuffing like a Thanksgiving Turkey? Recognize the piggy groans? Why, it’s none other than Evrett showing off what he does best - taking arms, dribbling pre-cum and prolapsing. Wowwee! We had to wait ages for the “vet-and-ill-cow” routine in the prequel; here it’s served up as the entrée! And yes, a rosebud that Evertt is so proud of, he pokes and prods it in and out for everyone’s amusement. If you are grossed-out I’d like to point out I’m reviewing Hot House’s Club Inferno line here, where the only vanilla on show is the flavor of the Crisco.

Our Heroes for Hire hang out in the sun, giggling as boss Ward recounts the original’s bowling pin incident (you need to see it for yourself!) that gets the guys so hot they head to Kurtis’ dungeon where they give it away for free. (Don’t they know the West Coast is in recession!) Kurtis, complete with Captain Ahab headscarf, has his great white whale gagged on by greedy Ray Parker (too late - I’ve already done the Ghostbusters joke in a previous review). Kurt’s tool is massive, long and intimidating, but Parker knows exactly how to use his mouth and butt to please this butch daddy. Ride ‘em Kowboy Kurtis!

If your attention wanders (it won’t) you’ll soon be treated to dirty English Stuart (must have been on vacation and chatted up in a bar) treating Samson to a passionate nipple-tweaking, tongue-diving, ass-eating, cock-sucking and butt-slapping that builds to a screaming Samson (eyes popping clear of his head) getting a two-handed treat that has this dynamic duo prove why the Yanks and Limeys are always the best allies. Their incendiary antics are, however, knocked off the screen when Ward threats us all to his assault on boyfriend Edwards’ capacious chuff.

Just sit back in awe as you watch agog, Edwards’ ass punchfucked with a fabulous, frenetic sense of urgency that you just won’t have ever seen before. Imagine the fun these two went through practicing for this scene; no wonder they wanted it recorded for posterity!

Lunch is for wimps and that prolapsing punished pudenda is given even more action (is this man mortal?) as he joins Samson and Black (from the first movie) in another heels-up, present-holes inspection by Stuart and Ward. You’ll want a bib to watch this; it’ll stop the drool covering your clothes.

Hot House has done it once again, producing another powerful piggy near-masterpiece that’ll be on every fisting-fan’s wishlist.
-Froufrou A. Gogo