Review

BuckleRoos Part I
It’s hard to know where to begin with BuckleRoos; it’s that good. But even more, it’s that much fun! That’s the secret of BuckleRoos: It’s a fabulous, fun fuck flick; a hard-core gay porn western fantasy romantic comedy. There’s nothing to compare it to. While so much gay porn takes itself too seriously, BuckleRoos is a hoot. Hell, it’s a hootenanny! Still, where do you start?

Do you start with the directors? Jerry Douglas has been making gay porn since the 1970s; he helped invent the thing. John Rutherford has practically turned it into an art form, first at Falcon and now as the head wrangler at Colt, where he has here revived its once-sizzling Buckshot production label. Imagine Robert Altman and Steven Spielberg working together and you get the idea.

Or do you start with the cast? Every single man in BuckleRoos is at his absolute sexual peak. The diversity is astonishing: from lean, lithe and barely legal to mighty-muscled hard bodies who’ve seen it all. There are eager newcomers, seasoned veterans and at least one break-out star turn. Most are uncut, and the different ways they fool with their foreskins are worth the price of the video alone.

Or do you start with the production standards? Todd Montgomery’s videography, Andrew Rosen’s editing, plus the lighting, sets and music are impeccable, better than some mainstream videos. The opening scene is a crane shot of a pick-up truck driving into a ranch. A crane shot? Nobody does crane shots in porn!

Or you start with the story? Nobody, but nobody, does story porn better than Jerry Douglas, and this is his masterpiece. Here the sex and story are so thoroughly interwoven that you can’t have one without the other - and each makes the other more exciting.

So, come and listen to a story about a Man in Black. No, it’s not Johnny Cash, but Zak Spears in a non-sexual role - though this man is more sexual fully clothed than most men are buck-naked. He plays a mystical figure - ghost, spirit, fairy godfather? - who dispenses magical belt buckles. While most belt buckles keep pants on, these keep pulling them off. He stays to watch what happens and even helps things along.

Right now he’s looking after the owners of the "Beefland Ranch," Kick (Dean Phoenix) and Jed (Marcus Iron). These two guys live by one rule: no sex a second time around; it’s "hello," then "goodbye." They had sex with each other once but vowed never to do it again. Luvin’ can trap a man, so now they’re just best buddies.

There have never been two more well-defined characters in gay porn than Kick and Jed – ever. They even do their sex in character! Kick is the head man, and an easy going kind of guy. Dean Phoenix came out of retirement just to make BuckleRoos. His body has a hardened maturity and his hair is now long and curly, making him irresistible in a whole new way.

Jed is the archetypal laconic cowboy best friend who hardly talks and never takes his hat off. And Marcus Iron plays him perfectly. Iron has never really been given his due, so BuckleRoos should make him the star he deserves to be. As good as Phoenix is (and he’s incredible), Iron has the 2005 GAYVN Best Actor award in a lock. You read it here first.

It’s evening, and both guys are horny. They go to the local bar, where Kick cruises a bleach-blond stud (Josh Hardman) he’s been after for months. The Man in Black magically appears, gives him the belt buckle, and Blond Stud suddenly goes after Kick like a wild stallion. At one point, Kick actually moves like the broncho-buster he once was while fucking the stud. That’s what I mean - Phoenix uses a fuck to define his role.

Next, while driving into town, Jed is pulled over by a state trooper, the dark, hairy and very beefy Todd Maxwell. The Man in Black suddenly appears and replaces Jed’s belt with his own - and bam, the cop is now a voracious bottom. Jed can’t even get all his clothes off before he’s fucking the pig like a pig, even using the billyclub as a dildo. And when the cop tries to take off Jed’s hat, the cowboy interrupts his cocksucking to yell, "Don’t ever touch my hat." Shee-it, you just don’t see that kind of acting in gay porn.

Back together at the ranch, the doorbell rings, and it’s Kick’s teenaged nephew Jimmy Joe (Owen Hawk, another star in the making), whose parents have thrown him out for doing one too many football players. He talks about hitching to the ranch - and with that we have a flashback to a voracious threeway with Hawk, Brad Benton and Diego de La Hoya. The scene is done in a parked convertible in an open field, several hundred yards away from a busy freeway. You can see and hear the traffic as they’re screwing their brains out.

The highlight of the scene - and something that this reviewer has never seen before (and has always wanted to) - is a revolving daisy chain: The three line up to fuck each other, and in time the man on the receiving end pulls his ass off the middleman’s cock, puts on a condom given to him by the Man in Black, moves to the other end and plows into the end guy - who now becomes the middleman.

I dare you not to cum during this scene. I just dare you!

Now it’s time for a solo scene, BuckleRoos style. Ranch hands Ricky Martinez and Arpad Miklos are bored. There are two full-length mirrors in their barracks, so each guy starts making out - with his own reflection. This idea usually flops in porn, but here it’s pure perfection. Martinez and Miklos couldn’t be more different - a younger, taut, smooth-skinned Latino and an older, beefy, hairy Hungarian. Still not satisfied, they finish with the mirrors and start sucking themselves off. Yep - two guys self-sucking at the same time, ending in massive dual facial cumshots and scarfings.

I ain’t never seen nuthin’ like that before!

The only way to end this is an orgy. Kick and Jed head back to the bar. The Man in Black waves his hand - and everybody suddenly gets naked. Kick and Jed sit back and jerk off as they watch five guys go at it. As before, each guy has a different look: Jake Andrews just gets hotter as he gets older; Colt Exclusive Chris Wide’s chest is as wide as the Texas horizon; fellow Exclusive Mike Dasher is dark and mature with thick lips; Sam Shadon has a biker look; and Edu Boxer is compact, hairy, Latin and insatiable.

Everybody goes at each other, with Andrews and Shadon taking the bottoming duties, and it is a testament to the camerawork and editing that you always know exactly who is doing what to whom. Eventually the Man in Black lures Kick and Jed to stand up and press against each other as they jerk off. At the moment that they start to cum, they start to kiss - ravenously. They then pull back, stare at each other in astonishment, and... fade out.

Yep, BuckleRoos is a two-parter. So y'all come back now, y'hear?

 -- Jameson Rodgers

Notes about the DVD extras: Among the extras are galleries of the cast and action that are pure Colt excellence, and best of all, a running commentary with Douglas and Rutherford. They talk throughout the entire movie’s running time, regaling us with incredible behind-the-scenes stories. Sometimes they get so involved in their storytelling that they forget to talk about what’s on the screen. It’s one of the best commentary tracks this reviewer’s ever heard, which is only what you would expect from BuckleRoos.

 -- Jameson Rodgers

BuckleRoos Part II
John Rutherford and Jerry Douglas wrap up one of the best and most ambitious “story” gay porn films ever - hell, it’s one of the best, period - with two more hours of intense sex, compelling characters and a story that will warm your heart as much as it heats your crotch. Part II features an especially mind-blowing scene that will make “top-ten” lists for years, and ends with a love scene so genuine that you hardly realize you’re seeing one of the favorite tops of all time bottom for the first time.

First and foremost, BuckleRoos Part II is not a sequel, it’s the second half of a four-hour long movie. Everything that makes BuckleRoos Part I so phenomenal applies here. So, if you haven’t already, read the review for part one now. Go ahead. We’ll wait.

So, when we last left the congenial Kick (Dean Phoenix, in a victorious comeback), the laconic Jed (Marcus Iron), and the mysterious, magical Man in Black (the fully dressed but totally hot Zak Spears), Kick and Jed were in profound embarrassment after kissing each other while jerking off watching a five-man orgy. Helluva plot line, ain’t it?

The camera opens on the ranch house. Kick and Jed are in their bedrooms jerking off again, but now they’re doing it behind closed doors, trying to keep out the feelings the Man in Black has let in. Down the hall, however, Kick’s nephew Jimmy Joe (Owen Hawk) is keeping the door as wide open as his legs. Eventually, Jed decides to face Kick and says those words we’ve all uttered - “About last night…” Kick insists it was just an accident because “we’re devil-dog handsome, donkey-hung irresistible, right?” He urges them to renew their vow: “Never fuck no one you know. Never.” (How often do you actually get to quote gay porn dialogue?)

Their pick-up truck breaks down, so they take it to a service station run by Lonnie (Hank Locklear; must be Heather’s black-sheep brother), a stunning blond who proves irresistible to Kick. He lies back on the truck’s hood and lets Lonnie chow down on his massive meat. This meat has not been “trimmed,” so the mechanic tools with Kick’s foreskin to the camera’s delight.

A tough biker (Dave Angelo) then pulls in and joins in the action. The three men suck each other off, and then the two men pound the grease monkey’s ass, before Angelo shoots an especially creamy load on Lonnie’s face and seals the deal by spitting in his face. Meanwhile Jed’s taking a nap in the cab, though he does periodically look up to catch his buddy in action.

Now, get ready to be blown away. Jed and Jimmy Joe are back home when two young - very young - Mormon missionaries (Timmy Thomas, Sammy Case) knock on the door to save some souls. Jimmy Joe bets Jed that with by wearing his magic belt buckle, he can seduce those two young innocents. Taking the bet, Jed takes the two cherubs by the hand – literally - and introduces them to the joys of gay sex.

Now be forewarned - these two couldn’t look less like Colt Men. (They don’t look old enough to be called “twinkies” for God’s sake!) But this scene is so brilliantly performed and utterly original that it will make Colt founder Jim French/Rip Colt proud! The whole scene is Iron softly, steadily coaching each boy first how to kiss, then suck cock, then finger ass. Thomas and Case act as if they’ve never seen a naked man before and respond with a mix of eagerness and apprehension. When it’s time to fuck, Iron first demonstrates by penetrating each of them. (For supposedly virginal asses, they take Irons’ huge cock with surprising ease. Sweet Jesus, it’s a miracle!) He then helps them do it themselves, showing the top how to wear a rubber and telling the bottom how to breathe. Every gay man who watches this scene will wish he had had someone like Jed for his first time; there’s a poignancy to it.

But don’t worry - BuckleRoos isn’t suddenly getting soft.

The next scene is raw, rough and raunchy as two meaty, masculine men torture each other’s buttholes. After his cousin’s bachelor party, Kick drives in with the groom (Andrew Rubio) and best man (newcomer Ty Hudson) sprawled in the back, stone-cold drunk. A bucket of water wakes them up, and they check to see that they still have their party favors in place - giant butt plugs stuffed up their asses. Hudson then gives his buddy his wedding present: a box of Colt Gear toys of all shapes and sizes (now that’s product placement!) and they get down to business.

Rubio is younger, leaner and smoother, while Hudson is covered in fur and wears his years real well - he’s vintage Colt. Both men try to “top” each other by anally inhaling bigger and badder dildos. They end up with a double-headed dildo and synchronized cum shots. All while, Kick and Jed jerk off to the show, but this time they give each other a hand.

The next scene is the most conventional of the whole video. Jimmy Joe, who had been thrown out by his parents for fucking too many high school quarterbacks, decides to try out for the team at his new school. In the locker room he meets Linc (Jason Kennedy, with a dark serious face and incredibly hairy legs) and goes for the quarterback sack - the sack in his jock, that is. Hawk sucks him down to the pubes like a pro, then Kennedy buries his face in Hawk’s butt before fucking him from several angles. In a turnover that will get lots of replay, Hawk then fucks Linc from the side. Both shoot loads worthy of their youth and follow up with some deep-throat kissing and declarations of new-found love.

Jimmy Joe brings his new boyfriend home, and their commitment terrifies Kick, so he storms out to the barn. Jed follows after him, and the two men finally face each other. With the Man in Black looking on, they take off their belts - with the magic buckles - and enter into a lip-lock that’s sure to “scare the horses.”

This is what we’ve been waiting for. It’s a remarkably tender love scene that doesn’t forget it’s also hard-core porn. The emotions are real, and the sex is hot. After some smoldering foreplay, the two men give each other hands-free, deep-throat blow-jobs, making intimate eye contact. Kick then lifts Jed’s legs over his shoulders for a slow, deliberate, and genuinely romantic fuck. Dean Phoenix was one of the 1990s’ greatest tops, and this scene shows us why.

But as the love is mutual for Kick and Jed, so too must the sex be mutual - which means Jed then fucks Kick, and that’s a sight to see! This is the first time Dean Phoenix has ever bottomed on screen, and he does it willingly. The camera records the initial penetration in glorious close-up, and Iron leans in to kiss Phoenix with each thrust of a long, luxurious fuck. Finally, they cum simultaneously while locked in a deep kiss. They fall asleep in each other’s arms as the Man in Black fades away, taking his belt buckles with him. These guys now have all the magic they’ll need.

If you were to take out all the sex, BuckleRoos would be a first-rate romance with top-notch acting and superb production values that would win awards at any gay film festival. But what makes BuckleRoos so magical is that it is also a first-rate fuck flick. It succeeds in being both without you even realizing it. BuckleRoos will give you a tender love story. It will also give you a chafed cock. And pardner, there aint’ nuthin’ better than that!

 -- Jameson Rodgers

Notes about the DVD extras: As with BuckleRoos Part I, the DVD extras include a cast photo gallery as well as a sizzling slide show of explicit action shots. Best of all, directors Jerry Douglas and John Rutherford continue their non-stop commentary that will have you in the palm of their hands - even as you’re palming your dick. It simply cannot be missed.

 -- Jameson Rodgers