tlavideo.com

Review

To begin, a poem:
Oh you vaguely Eastern/
European boys, with your dangling/
Cocks and your light touches of/
Black body hair./
You awaken our lust as you/
Let the funny stout man shave/
Your naked genitals./
Let the hold music play.

We made a two mistakes when viewing Nick Baer's The Body Guards Photo Shoot Trim. First, we'd, earlier in the day, let a middle-aged closet case suck us completely dry in the public bathroom of a historic park, leaving us, for once, not particularly horny. Second, earlier in the same week, we watched the video's vastly superior sequel, The Next Body Guards Photo Shoot Trim. These two miscalculations left us in a particularly blase state that made the male body only slightly thrilling. A passion for the naked male form is absolutely required to enjoy this video.

Like its superior sequel, this video is simply a series of models taking their clothes off and letting Baer measure their naughty bits, trim away unwanted hairs and just generally poke and prod them as they stand waiting for whatever comes next. Rather than bore us with the chit chat that goes down between photographer and model, Baer instead pipes in some hold music that will make you think you're on hold with customer service for over an hour. Now, being on hold and getting to look at naked boys is a whole lot better than simply being on hold, but, still, the music adds nothing positive to the viewing experience.

While this is almost identical in form to the sequel, this original incarnation pales primarily in its choice of models. Where the sequel went full-on beefcake with hunky-to-the-max musclebound men, slightly scrawnier, dark-haired gentleman abound here. If you dig little hipster boys, greasy facial hair and/or Eastern European looking men, then you'll probably shoot your load within minutes (especially if you've let your little soldiers build up in your sack). If those things don't appeal to you, you'll have to wait until the last two models (who are muscular, Irish-looking men we're definitely going to envision assaulting us in an alley later). We, personally, lean toward Nordic and African types for our standard masturbation material, so we were left a little cold. Oh well...

Still, Baer manages to fetishize grooming and measuring in quite a breathtaking way. Watching him shave the models' butts and trim their taints is quite a treat. If you're a bottom, you can insert yourself into the models' roles - just imagine going to the tailor and getting fondled inappropriately and you'll be on the same track. If you're a top who prefers masculine men, then you won't have to use your imagination. These boys are just waiting for you to poke, prod and fondle them.

 -- Soren Reddy