Review

An international cast of gorgeous, bulging, cum-spewing hunks in costume pays tribute to Imperial Rome in Sword Master, a naughty riff on Gladiator (minus the Oscars), with a heavy dose of Caligula (sans nausea). It’s the debut release from new label Private Man, and if their subsequent output is as delicious as this one, we’ll all be drooling for quite some time.

Stunning German Herrman the Swordmaster (George Vidanov, credited here as Mihaly H.) surrenders to the Emperor of Rome to avoid further bloodshed in war. Reduced to the Emperor’s slave, he’s instructed in the learned ways of the Romans, and introduced to their sordid lifestyle: steam bath blowjobs and political intrigues; throne room ass poundings and Imperial rubdowns; etc.

There’s not too much plot to tax your brain, but - holy hard-ons! - there’s enough scintillating sucking, stroking, groping and poking to quench the entire Roman Legion’s thirst for cock, and enough gushed man cream for them all to slather in.

Props to the studio for getting a lot of mileage out of the elaborate throne room set (which doubles for the steam bath), and for the tres stylish costumes. Camerawork and editing are very good, though the frequent use of blurred slo-motion and monochromatic cutaways is a cheap distraction. Also, the English dubbing is poorly – laughably - synched (I’m not sure if this is intentional or not). And, alas, the music doesn’t really fit; something a bit more thematic would have been appropriate.

Technical nit-picks aside, you’ll be stroking your scepter with wild abandon, gawking in amazement over the sheer hotness of these frisky Adonises. Who cares if their mouths don’t move with their dialogue, so long as they slurp throbbing ween so exquisitely and voraciously? Not I, surely.
-Beef Stroganoff