Review

The package blurb for Swiss Gang Bang from Ikarus promises "enough cum to fill up Lake Zurich." Well, that's one hell of a big lake to fill. In this video a bunch of Americans get to know some new Swish Swiss friends. It starts in a bar with a bit of bad dubbing that I guess they give up on quickly as it goes mute.

First up we dissolve to beautiful Lake Zurich and I can imagine the travelogue: "When in Switzerland take time to enjoy the scenic expanses of mountain ranges, valleys and picturesque babbling brooks. Don’t forget to indulge in a little sodomy with the locals. No doubt you’ll enjoy it."

Straight away we hit a log cabin - a Swiss one, not a gay Republican - where Lombardo is getting head from Kopasz. And straight away they’re fucking. Kopasz (Kristen Bjorn's Thick as Thieves) makes a great bottom. It’s a shame this totally hot scene is over so quickly.

Next up we dissolve back to the lake where swimming Soldi is picked up by a boating Day. Neither are the best rowers, narrowly missing swans and hitting trees in the process, but I guess they’ve got other things on their minds, because as soon as they hit the boathouse Day is slobbering all over Soldi’s wiener schnitzel. Day gets a quick blow job before bending over to receive a load of Swiss Cheese. And Soldi never once takes off his goggles. Judging by this the Swiss are pretty friendly; guess that’s why they stayed neutral in World War II.

Next up there’s some HeeHaw type music as the stars of the first scene return for some al-fresco entertainment. Lombardo feeds his meat to Kopasz (who reveals his winking browneye in a rather unflattering shot) and there are some very odd noises on the soundtrack. These include a strange munching and a few sniffs. Is the guy in the mixing booth eating sandwiches and snorting coke?

The soundtrack gets even odder. A happy-clappy tambourine kicks in. (Music by the Singing Nun?) We cut to a house, and in true loveable porno logic style Day appears from nowhere and is fucked over a barrel by our two yummy studs.

Next up there’s a limo ride between Day and his Mini-Me Key. Don’t get your hopes up - it’s really more of a prom limo. Key bounces on top of his Big Brother’s Little Brother, and the limo-driver doesn’t even crash. Eventually the limo pulls up in front of a store and Key has a nose inside, seeing Derreck try on various styles of "gay" underwear. I know Europeans are quite open when it comes to sex and nudity but I’d freak if I had to try on skiddies in a changing room with no door. Key wanders in, beating his meat as Derreck still changes. Eventually he’s aroused by the sexy Oompa-Loompa and his impressive schlong, so after a bit of tonguework Key is forcefully fucked on the counter with a big black dildo whilst a balding shop assistant stacks shelves in the background; I kid you not! (He sets the nonchalance bar down another two pegs.)

In a bar scene (with such badly recorded broken dialogue the actors all sound like the teacher Charlie Brown cartoons) the actors discuss gay pride. Segue into the usual camcorder footage of drag queens daftly posing unaware the footage will end up in a skinflick.

Mike Vista gets a private strip show (it’s supposed to be in a packed disco but guess they couldn’t afford the extras) with Derreck. Guess we now know his night job. Quite cool strip, and features a great mix of OT Quartet’s "Hold That Sucker Down," which reminded me of endless K-holes on the dancefloor at Love Muscle. The two retire to a back area where Rick S. joins in as the three get busy. Vista’s got a fab cockring on and Rick is chipping his teeth on it in no time. The three look like they are about to get into some seriously heavily assplay when the fucking film fades out. The end!

I saw an advert that showed Vista being fucked by Derreck and the entire cast appearing in a bar-based gang-bang scene complete with new faces and big scary sex toys. However, that footage is nowhere to be found here. Perhaps it was never for the film; who knows.

 -- Froufrou A. Gogo

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