Review

The first rule of Suck Club: You do not talk about Suck Club.

This offering from Factory Video, San Francisco’s specialists in amateur filth, features eleven rough and ready (in some cases read pug-ugly) vacuum cleaners on legs for those dirtfans sick to death of muscle-bound pretty boys.

The phrase "oral cumshot" was created for this movie.

Chunky Tolik is sucking skater-trash Johnson on stairs against a brick wall. Johnson is the biggest boy here, and Tolik’s knocking it down his throat like so many hotdogs.

They slurp their way around the loftspace before Tolik dumps his load on Johnson’s petite tattooed chest. I would have like to have seen Johnson slap Tolik’s fat and ride the waves but this movie is just about the sucking, not the fucking.

Three bald sexpigs are up next, heavily tattooed Murphy, Surfer Mike and Samoth. Mike dives straight for Samoth’s totally shaved private area before taking Murphy’s chubby chub orally. Tolik joins in, deep throating Murphy. Tolik comes and goes (again – jeez, learn to control your ejaculations!) and the dirty bald trio bring themselves off. Star of this scene is definitely Surfer Mike. Once he’s on his knees he never gets back up! Kinda old for a surfer though. Maybe he was an extra in an Avalon/Funicello movie.

Along comes the (quite sexy) Braddock who’s sure he can get sloppy seconds from Murphy. An expert tonguing session proves successful as Braddock’s goatee is soon sticky with white weewee.

Black Rivers and white Bruno unite in a great interracial scene. These two performers could win Olympian Gold if blowjobs were ever to become a featured sport. Hot scene as our relaxed couple tongue each other to climax.

Intergenerational next as my two favorites, Braddock and Johnson get it on. Johnson shares my joy of having people spunk on his chest, to which Braddock happily obliges before chowing down on his partner’s balls and getting his face and hair matted with twenty-something cum.

Brian Bakk has a gay old time trying not to get his fillings ripped out by pigboy York’s mammoth mega-pierced cock. Framed beautifully by a leather cockring, Bakk struggles to fit this fat mamba inside his mouth. Patience is rewarded as the metallic monster delivers a sticky load that Balk eagerly laps up.

The DVD’s bonus footage (Hot Off the Web 3) begins with Parker and his buddies indulging in a bit of armpit worship, a great sex act that is always ignored. His three buddies look like they’ve been grabbed off the audition line from the latest Larry Clark movie - punky skinny tattooed white boys, the kind of which I’ve been finding myself attracted to since I moved to South Philadelphia. The short one with the billy-goat beard is the cutest. They just keep licking till you can no longer tell where saliva ends and the sweat begins. Daddy Parker treats his boys well, even allowing the cutesy-one to fuck him. The three bring Daddy off to a noisy climax, licking the baby spew off each other and the floor.

Next up there’s auto-fellating guys, two guys who blow themselves off into their mouths. OK, but it could be more passionate. I mean come on guys – you are sucking yourselves off! Enjoy it! Finally there’s rimjobs all round, Parker and his friends return tongue fucking each other to oblivion. Two tongues up one hole is the best bit of a rather pedestrian scene. This 45 minute bonus is pretty cool, and I love that its dialogueless soundtrack is made up only of the appreciative grunts, sighs and moans of the cast.

Overall, I was quite surprised by the outstanding quality of this pro-amateur production. The perfect mix of guys in both pieces will satisfy everyone. I’m definitely gonna chase up their other productions. Cellulite sex never looked better!
-Froufrou A. Gogo