Review

Classic is sometimes just a nice way of saying old, or in this case old-school. All Tied Up is a classic old-school porn made in the seventies when drugs were chic and safe-sex meant fucking in a place where the cops wouldn’t catch you. Flicks like this appeal to either those who remember the good old days, or those who wish they did.

Scorpio (who was quite a huge name in porn back in the day) stars as our hero. Seems he just wants to quietly celebrate his anniversary with his lover; in fact, the video begins with the two of them having a quiet little fuck in their loft apartment. The sex is pretty vanilla, and of course, they don’t use a condom so it might be considered vanilla-fudge.

Some bad ass (Tom Cord) has other plans for our protagonist. He sends a delivery boy (not sure which dude this is, but he is a cutie sporting a seventies porn mustache) to distract Scorpio and steal his keys (distracting Scorpio means fucking). These two have a scene that, while vanilla, is pretty steamy. They make out and explore one another before the condomless fucking commences. Delivery boy steals the keys - mission accomplished.

Cord then sends his posse over and they tie Scorpio to the bed and work him over. This scene quickly becomes an orgy of the not-at-all-vanilla kind - nipple clamps, dildos, all sorts of toys are used.

Eventually two fat candles are used to open up Scorpio and another of the cast. Cord also impales Scorpio with his giant prick. Just when the rape/orgy reaches its apex, the candles are lit and the group sings "Happy Anniversary." All is well that ends well.
-Scott Templeton