Review

As you can guess, Rear Factor is a pastiche on a certain dumb yet highly popular network TV game show. The point here is that your tuchis is the key to the grand prize. Luckily Steele, the host, explains the rules for the unfamiliar, or just plain stupid. Essentially, three contestants provide a "butt-fantasy" and the hottest one wins.

First to take the plunge is (Guten) Tag Adams. He’s a New York advertising exec and part-time ass-connoisseur: “The feeling of a hot manly ass lying on my face just drives me crazy,” he rasps. (Not me. If I want to go insane I’ll just eat Canadian Beef.) His fantasy involves cops, and lo and behold a uniformed Bramm appears and rough-houses and strips our poor yuppie before throwing him in the slammer. Already inside is Pierce who’s fiddling about with dildos, stretching his hole and jerking off his prince-alberted cock.

It’s not long before Tag clocks on to his cellmate’s slutty shenanigans (you can’t miss that sphincter really, it’s practically yodeling) and when Pierce does an amazing "watch it disappear and then reappear" buttplug trick Tag feeds his dick to his hungry bunk-buddy. After using some huge anal-eggs on Pierce, they are caught red-handed by Bramm (just as they are eating each others dilated holes) - probably altered by the loud vocals! Tag is punished by being pissed on by both, getting wet and steamy and trying not to swallow.

Remember, this is Rear Factor, so out comes a massive black double dildo that the prisoners ride noisily. After being manhandled Tag is fucked by both, shooting his load after being well and truly poked eight-ways-till-Sunday. Not to be over-shadowed, Pierce looses his baby-batter after riding a massive dildo of his own.

Contestant number two is Galt - who is sweet and cute and dirty - here playing an Assistant D.A. from D.C. His fantasy involves big leathermen: “I love sweaty man to man sex,” he tells us. We begin with our hopeful on a leather bed (natch) where he works his gym-toned hairy body over, stroking his cock through a cod-piece and working his ass with his fingers. Along comes Steele in an outfit that must have used up at least seventeen cows, and it totally floats Galt’s boat. He’s on him like a 400lb. woman on a chocolate cake, tongue worshipping every inch of the sweaty stud. Galt sucks cock like a man possessed and soon gets a reward of a crystal dildo up him, then Steele’s cock, then both together! Shame it’s not a Sapphire dildo, as I could have made a brilliant Sapphire and Steele reference here. One heart-racing, butt-thumping hump-session later, both eat their own loads (tastes better when it’s homemade) and we move to our final contestant.

It’s Goldilocks himself, Shaw… those famous blonde locks sadly no-more. He works in an L.A. E.R. but alas, his fantasies do not involve George Clooney, it’s about two doctors. Enter Ryan and Krewe, as disorderly orderlies who drink beer in the ambulance between shifts. (I see truth and fantasy aren’t as far apart as I previously thought.) Shaw catches Krewe giving his co-worker a special kind of stress-relief and wants in. Ryan’s cock is huge but Shaw makes swallowing it to the balls look like child’s play. And Ryan loves it. I think. He looks slightly glass-eyed, which is either ennui or ecstasy.

Cut to elsewhere and Shaw’s on a stretcher being stripped of his scrubs. Krewe gives his ass a thorough examination with his fingers and a flashlight before using his tongue to get a better taste. It’s personal touches like this that make Medicare really worth the long-term tax increase it’d cause. Ryan can’t wait to fuck that tight hole, pounding away on the blonde stud while Krewe feeds him his red hot angry cock. In a great sequence Shaw, straddling Ryan, penetrates Krewe creating a whole new take on totem poles, and let’s not even mention those huge tomahawks! When the cream flies, Shaw is showered in it.

Tag is the winner (no contest really) and while the others do the walk of shame he gets to swallow Steele, Krewe and Ryan’s tools. And he’s great at it, but I’d have taken the cash alternative. After eating their holes Tag winds up in the Rear Factor sling, his ass pounded by Steele. But it looks like Shaw isn’t that good a loser, and sneaks back on set, gets captured and stripped and force-fed the guy’s big beef-rods, taking Steele and Ryan at the same time. He gets the sling treatment, too. I guess it’s a consolation prize.

The finale sees a cornucopia of glass dildos, blow jobs and man-sweat, with Shaw and Tag trying to out-pig each other. Tag still comes out as the top-bottomer and everyone gets to dump their loads over the host’s hairy torso.

A great movie for dirty-talk fans, and for those who like the odd piss-scene and toy play without it being too extreme. Well made, professionally produced and most of all fun. The way reality TV is heading, a remake will no doubt be green-lit for some Fall Season.

 -- Froufrou A. Gogo