Review

Get ready, gents. I'm about to rave about a sex toy!

Evolved Novelties is an enigma to me. A lot of the toys offered by this titan of sexuality strike me as somewhat cheap, often flimsy, sometimes overpriced. A lot of them appear too cute for my liking. But then, every now and then, they hit the mark. This toy is well-designed, easy-to-use and appealing to a wide range of masturbators and intercourtesans (I just made up that word) alike. I'm glad to say, the Provoke Massager is most certainly the latter.

Put simply, this thing's a fantastic toy.

So, what's so great about the Provoke Massager? Well, honestly, it's the simplicity of it. Design wise, it doesn't try too hard. It opts for elegance and form over cuteness and extravangance, and that makes a huge difference. The Provoke's got two insertable ends, depending on how much you or your fuck partner can handle. The smaller of the two ends is under an inch thick, while the bulbous upper end is a little over two inches. Both ends feature equal vibration, so it's really a matter of how much girth you can handle. I've used this thing on myself while whacking off and I tried it out with a friend, and we both honestly preferred the thicker of the two ends. When I'm getting fucked, I want to get fucked, you know? That's not to say the smaller end doesn't pack a punch, though.

As for vibrations...this thing runs the goddamn gamut and proves pretty intense with every push of the button. It's got a low to medium settings of steady vibration, variable speeds of on/off pulsating vibration and my personal favorite, a fast-to-slow and easy-to-intense crescendo of vibration. My advice? Try to get a buddy to suck you off while this thing's buzzing inside your ass. I was lucky enough to arrange such an act, and it easily ranks in the top ten sexual experiences I'v ever encountered.

Last word: this toy's powerful, versatile, beautifully designed and inexpensive. Buy it now.

 -- Maston Hammerman