Review

It’s all about the tease, apparently. Mark Dalton (blonde, huge, you get the idea) stars in the latest U.S. release from the company that specializes in worldwide hunkarama.

Sizemore is happily working away in his office when flirty Fox asks him out for a lunch drink. (What the fuck is Sizemore doing in such a classy office when he doesn’t even look legally old enough to intern? Maybe his dad is doing a "bring your son to work day".) He’s not interested in the drink (he’s professional, dammit!) so Fox leaves him alone to jerk off over Internet pics of Dalton. Some professional.

Guess he just has the power over certain guys because Sizemore shoots over pics of the fully clothed Aryan. Great solo scene here, but Sizemore could just flick through TV Guide and still turn us on. If I had a dick that big (he does!) I wouldn’t leave the house (he doesn’t; we deliver movies to him).

Fox ends up in an empty cocktail bar where Dalton performs nightly. Logan, the barman, decides he’d rather just jump Fox’s bones. Logan wants Fox’s meat so bad he’s spreading himself over the bar. Wonder why Logan never takes off his black leather jacket though. Acne scars? Our two twinky-muscle-boys fuck for what seems like hours before each lets rip a hot white stream of lurve-piss.

Across town muscular casting director Gauge auditions Harvey in a very private performance. The blonde beauty does a great strip show on the pool table. Turned on, Gauge toys with Harvey’s tighty-whities before taking his hot uncut roast-beef in his mouth, getting it wet and sticky. Harvey lovingly reciprocates, taking Gauge’s fat Latino prick all the way down his throat. Gauge pounds his ass on the pool table before exploding his manjuice all over Harvey’s perfect body.

Hmm. Blow job or no job. There’s nothing erotic about such a gross misuse of power and its second nature in porno. This must stop! (Take a chillpill Froufrou…)

Seems like Harvey got the job as he introduces the link to Dalton’s scene where he and his twin brother meet for the first time in ages. “They called us the Gemini Twins” One knows how to tease, the other, to prick-tease. Dalton teaches his twin brother (wonder which one the evil one is) how to do so, by performing a stripshow that starts out like a Gap commercial and degenerates to one lower than Old Navy. This guy is built like William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and I’ll admit he’s hot. Dalton kept his chest hair for this vid and I’m happy to announce that cuffs and collars do match, but I’m not sure of the tanning booth lobster look (the secret is to hold your arms up in those things). Quite a spotty back too, to which I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

Dalton teases us with his tight white g-string before slowly unveiling the whole shebang, a not-that-impressive shaved-clean cock. Naked, he gyrates his way around the empty bar set before bringing himself off back on stage. Remember, he’s performing solely for his brother. That must be one fucked up family there. Hillbillies? Needless to say, if you’re a fan, you’ll be shooting buckets by this scene.

That night, no doubt driven to a frenzy by Dalton’s performance, the outside alley becomes a cruising ground. Cute Latino Lopez stumbles outside and gets eyed up by older Richards and blonde boyish Dimineo. These two are already horned up and it looks like Lopez is gonna be the meat in their manwich. Poor Lopez. The best analogy I can give is that he’s being circled by two penis-sharks, closing in for the kill. Lopez starts on Richards first, insanely working the uncut inches before swallowing Dimineo’s even larger log. Unable to decide on a favorite, he swallows both at once. What a hog!

Negative point to Richards here: Dimineo tries to kiss him, but he’s having none of it. Instead he hocks a loogie onto the pretty blonde’s face. Some may find that erotic but it happened to me once. How that guy laughed when I punched him so hard he went out cold. And I’m only 120 lbs!

Lopez decides he prefers Dimineo, and who wouldn’t - his cock is bigger and he kisses. Instead it’s Richards who fucks our hero first. Dimineo eventually gets his turn as Lopez is spit-roasted over the trash cans (and who said romance is dead?) before all three spray their fertilizer over our Latino lovely’s tattooed stomach. I’d like to point out this scene happens in the back yard of a Californian nightclub. Where the hell are all the smokers who usually populate these areas?

No doubt Dalton fans will buy this in droves, but the other more accomplished performances are much better and will probably be overlooked. The closest Dalton ever gets to another guy’s babyspew is when they shoot over pictures of him in magazines. The whole thing smacks of "gay for pay" which I’m not a huge fan of, it’s so eighties. To quote my bitch half-sister Chi Chi, "they’re always either doing it to pay for a car or their girlfriend's abortion."

A great movie, though slightly flawed. Still, I’m going to give it high marks. But one bit of advice - learn to suck dick, Dalton. Then you’ll be a real star.
-Froufrou A. Gogo