Review

I love my job. Who wouldn’t? I get to screw my way through a shit load of sex toys. Most of the time I am sore from sticking my dick in stuff or trying to fit impossibly big toys up my ass. So when I got this Optimum Power: Vibro Suck my exasperated cock twitched at the idea of just sitting back and letting the toy do all the work – but all the excitement was for nothing.

This thing is heavy and looks a little like a thermos with a wire and a tube sprouting from the top. The wire leads to the vibe control and the tube to a pump bulb. The opening is a soft beige ass that looks and feels pretty good. So after I put in the 4 AA batteries I got situated and lubed up. Initially the sensation was good but I quickly found that there isn’t much room inside. After getting the first few inches of my cock in I found that I had to actually push really hard to get it all the way in. And it never really was ALL the way in. I mean my cock is pretty big but come on! So I put my cock in as far as I comfortably could and decided to try the pump – the tighter the better right? Wrong! It felt like my cock was being strangled so I immediately released the air and decided to crank the vibe.

I felt the vibe in two places – the tip of my dick and the hand holding the damn thing up. Then the soft sleeve seemed to be creeping out of the outer casing with each thrust. My poor little soldier just wasn’t feeling the love and before he lost all rigidity, I chucked this contraption to the side and took matters into my hands.

Maybe this thing will work if you have some bizarre pencil-dick or something. But in my opinion for $50 you are better off with a toothless hustler who gives good head.

 -- Mr. October