Review

Mat Brawls 2. People wrestle. On a mat. Then they have sex.
What, you want specifics? All right, you’ve worn me down.

Scene 1: A theatrical Caldwell (replete with Little Orphan Annie ‘do) hits the mat with Magnos, a.k.a. “Daddykins.” These two go at it with gusto, as clothes casually fall to the wayside. Caldwell eventually gets Magnos in the “Flying Fellatio” hold, where Magnos is forced to gobble Caldwell’s dingus. After some dining at “The Puckered Pink Starfish Café,” the two end up in a 69. A mutual jack-off completes this heartwarming vignette.

Scene 2: Another smooth/hairy pairing, featuring faux-military tough guy Jennings and goateed furburger Taylor, a.k.a. “Muscle Mary, Queen of Scots.” As in Scene 1, they wrestle in various stages of undress. Zany foreplay ensues, but this time, there’s actual penetration, with Jennings doing the honor on Taylor’s balloon-knot. At the scene’s close, these two sisters are doing it for themselves, yanking their own pickles to completion.

Scene 3: Here, we get to watch Bradford (Tom Cruise’s not-so-secret admirer) get it on with bald, stocky Moore, a.k.a. “Cuddles.” This scene has the longest actual wrestling scene. In fact, there’s hardly any sexual activity at all, just some masturbatory hijinks.

 -- T.J. Maxxwell