Review

Joe Gage Sex Files 2: Uncle Pruitt Taught Me How To Do It
Loosen your tonsils fellow shaft-worshipers, ’cuz this slurp-happy line-up of gay and trade meat provides enough throat-cramming action to keep even the most insatiable cock-gobblers orally satisfied. It all begins with a lean, smooth and just-plain-adorable twink, "Dave" (Trent Austin), home alone on a sweltering afternoon, stroking off his large, luscious cock to a handy titty porn mag.

"Uncle Pruitt" (Mark Kroner) slithers in and unzips. Furry and looking just a wee bit shady in his age-defying ball cap, Uncle P. catches his adorable masturbating nephew unawares but quickly offers him a quelling $5 to stroke off together to the spread-open magazine. They do, until they make a grab for each other’s full-masted shaft.

The suckery soon begins, with Kroner giving Austin deep head while the youngster’s low-hanging sack swings towards his chin; and Austin reciprocating with a full-chug blow job so exquisite it seems he was born to savor penis. There’s something familiar, by the way, about puppy-dog-cute Trent Austin’s squinty suck-me eyes, his sly come-hither smirk and his protruding, yank-me-during-wild-head ears; I have deduced he must be the love child of Josh Hartnett and Jack Noseworthy.

Uncle Pruitt promises Dave another five bucks if he invites over some of his horny young buddies, and for the remainder of the film, the suck-and-tug shenanigans escalate and incorporate more and more lip-smacking, mouth-watering, cum-spewing dick.

Cock pigs will be in hog heaven here, and there are enough highlights within this one feature to fill up any random studio’s oral/wank sampler reel.

Fawn over the sight of a double-fisted Dave Hartnett-Noseworthy, double-stroking his hot-n-hard buddies “Kevin” and “Richie” (Robert Gunn and Danny Chance).

Marvel over the synchronized timing of Kroner and Austin, bobbing their adjacent heads in unison as they devour the well-hung tools belonging to Gunn and Chance.

Gawk at the eventual abundance of hard man meat during the full-house finale, a lengthy whack-and-gargle sequence that introduces hunk after hunk after hunk, including the crotch-throbbing cover stud “Donny” (Latino four-alarm-fire sizzler Caesar Cruz, who could pass for a Marine). “Donny” reeks of trade – he’s satisfied to merely stroke-off alone while viewing hetero-porn – but we’re treated to glorious close-ups of the caramel-skinned hottie wielding and pumping his big, dark, curved, uncut bone. We also get a few quick peeks of the video, too: an astonishingly big dick whisker-poking a puss-puss. (Vagina-phobes oughtn’t to worry, though; there’s not much snatch to wreck your buzz here.)

There’s a whole lot of sucking going on - so much wagging and consumption of stiff delicious dick, in fact, that you won’t even notice there’s no heinie-poking. Slurp, slurp!

 -- Beef Stroganoff

Joe Gage Sex Files 3: Kegger Frat Party
As you can imagine, we're a huge Joe Gage supporter. An inspiration to every pornomaker around (and those who say otherwise are just plain fucking liars) so we hollered when he announced he was getting back into the business. But personally I found the first Sex Files only “half-full;” it was missing something. Oh yeah, actual man-on-man contact. But hip-hip-hoopla the third time's a charm. When I told a co-worker what this film was about he went into PC-overdrive. “Professors seducing students?” he gasped in horror. Well, forget the dodgy ideology and abuse of power issues, sleeping with my teacher got me a 390 GPA, so there. We’ve come a long way from the Children’s Hour, baby.

I really wanted to do this review in-depth, comparing it to his previous works but I’m guessing all you want to know is how big the cocks are and where they get stuck. It’s a good job you ignorant peasants pay my bills, it really is.

Welcome to Fraternity Row, Durham, NC. Where cigarette manufacturers learn their trade. Or maybe study law. Or how to boil peanuts. Who can say? In Alpha Delta Gamma (a frat house, not the Star Trek quadrants) we are introduced to Jeff (Danny, via handy on-screen titles) a horny frat kid (less jockey, more short) watching football with his buddy, Buddy (Hunter). There’s some quick exposition of events but when Hunter opens his mouth that voice just plain scares me. It’s not an insult, Mr. Hunter (unlike that time you knocked me over and spilled my drink in a certain Manhattan club) I’m just stating facts. But squirrels creep me out too, so fret not.

From out of nowhere Jeff asks if it’s true Buddy is well-endowed. Not the sort of thing I’d ask a frat-brother but I never did go to college. “Mitch told me it was big.” “Mitch has a big mouth.” (Well, there’s a marriage made in Heaven right there.) Whap - out comes Hunter’s hose and naturally, Jeff can’t resist when he watches it grow. (Fun hint: use your fast forward and watch it sproing up like a balloon.)

But Gage is determined to hold the tension for a bit so I’ll just make note of the soundtrack for this entire movie - it’s almost all background TV football noise, Louisville fourteen, Cincinnati twenty-four, you’ll be pleased to know. A similar technique was used during the great teacher-coach tryst in L.A. Tool & Die. Lesson’s over because Jeff’s just lunged for Hunter’s monster!

After jerking each other off for a bit Jeff drops both his trousers and his heterosexual-pretense silently swallowing Hunter, and doing a pretty good job considering the size of that freak-n-furter, which gets Jeff commenting, "I bet you could..." "I can," snaps Hunter in reply and proves that yes, he can indeed suck his own dong, Jeff lending a helping hand to drool over the balls.

When they cum and go (repeated in slow-mo) the main course is served, beginning with Shannon (Luke) who collapses into a deep sleep on the couch. In walks Professor Josman (Sarge), one of those well-kept fifty-somethings you see in soap operas. Spying the sleeping stud he throws his ethics (and job) to the wind and unleashes Shannon’s fat, uncut cock. Smiling like a fox and hungry like the wolf this professor knows never to throw away a hot meal and tucks straight in. In walks twinkies Jeremy (Heights) and Ted (Young) but the professor just don’t care. He proves to both just how good a cocksucker gets with age, slurping down the three big cocks loudly and juicily. Oink, you pig! I never knew a human could produce as much drool and still be sane.

Shannon suddenly grunts in his sleep and a champagne-pop of spooge shoots across his stomach (repeated twice in slow-motion, naturally) the Slutty Professor rubbing it into the fratboy’s smooth skin so he glistens in the light, and that waking grin becomes very large indeed.

Oops - here comes Coach Lockwood (Kole) who doesn’t know what to do when faced with such sexy shenanigans. So he does what every sports teach would do in this situation. He orders Jeremy to drop and give him twenty. But our twink is too tempting for Lockwood who whips out his massive erection. Jeremy takes great pride in getting this mature meat good and wet, and hesitantly at first, Coach returns the favor. Intergenerational has never been more sensational!

Into the room walk jocks Mitch (Damian, he of the big mouth fame) Jerry and Bryan who beat their mega-members at the sight of muscled-old-king-Kole slurping on one of his students. Luckily along comes Tag Adams, as the keg-delivery guy and pretty soon he’s servicing all three of the uncut dudes, first with his mouth, then with his famous hole.

I’m assuming the jocks think this all a Jackass-inspired hazing stunt but they fuck that ass good, causing Tag to just-about blow a gasket. Coach orders Mitch and Bryan to join a seriously-pissed looking Jeremy in a circle jerk, leaving Jerry (Berlin) to finish off Adam’s butt. Everyone’s beating their meat, even Ted, who disappeared earlier; maybe he was on a smoke break. Cut and uncut cocks spew forth quarts of creamy, white tasty-looking jizz, all lovingly repeated in slow-mo. (Next time please make it 3-D!)

Everything about this movie is great, even the soundtrack made up of gasps, grunts and background noise (sorry, I can’t remember what the final score was). It’s a return to the top of the ladder for Mr. Gage. Welcome back - we’ve been expecting you.

 -- Froufrou A. Gogo

Joe Gage Sex Files 4: Blue Collar Beer Blast
"Billy Wild is under house arrest... so the guys are gonna have to cum to his place! His hung buds bring some beer and dick to cheer him up in the five-man opener, while housemate John Dante gets into some oral fun with Tommy DeLuca. The finale features another five-man orgy as Billy and aggressive pal Nick Capra exert their control over a trio of curious studs."

Not reviewed.