Review

Homo Erectus
Review written by Beef Stroganoff:
A "sexpedition" of seasoned hunks - including Jason Branch and Matt Bradshaw - has come to the wild jungles of South Africa, intent on capturing Homo Erectus and bringing him back to America for observation. Justifying their actions with a dubious citing of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, they hope to lure Homo Erectus into a trap by baiting him with a tempting whiff of sweaty man sex.

Jason and (new real-life boyfriend) Steve get things going with a hearty suck-and-fuck in and up against the bamboo cage designed to confine Homo Erectus. Little do they know Homo Erectus watches secretly from the jungle and, after the guys blow their loads, makes off with their bottle of lube and leaves a tell-tale foot print for the rest of the team to find on the morrow.

The team breaks up into groups to follow the foot print trail. Matt and his buddy Damian get misrouted and have themselves a nutritious lunch in the bush consisting of deep-throating and hard fucking, with a side order of slobbery rimming. All along, the mysterious Homo Erectus again observes from the jungle as canned indigenous noises screech and squawk on the soundtrack. Speaking of which, it's funny how the atmospheric mist of the interior jungle "set" dissipates whenever someone gets a hard-on. All the better for Homo Erectus to observe how to roll a condom onto a hard cock and how to properly slather goops of lube onto it before burying it brutishly into an ass, I suppose.

Having tracked Homo Erectus, the team uses bitch boy Steve as a lure to trap the horny beast. Homo Erectus predictably pounces and shoves his prehistoric cock all the way down Steve's hungry throat. As Homo Erectus fucks the helpless guy's face, he grunts with primitive abandon as the other men gather around the bushes to watch, waiting to spring their trap. After bending over to be rimmed, Homo Erectus proficiently demonstrates his newly learned skills of wrapping a cock in latex, greasing it up and shoving it eight-plus inches deep into Steve's dark, tight manhole. As soon as Homo Erectus blows a Jurassic-sized load, the men snare him in the nets.

Held captive in the bamboo cage, Homo Erectus studies the men intently, his searing eyes and scruffy beard highly reminiscent of Al Pacino in Serpico. Sam, the Catholic guy on the sexpedition who represents the theological interests of the Vatican, spouts some religious mumbo-jumbo about the moral implications of what they're doing with Homo Erectus, and when the others on the team mock him, he tries (and fails) to set Homo Erectus free.

A sinfully delicious group fuck-fest ensues, as Jason cock-gags the unruly Bible-banger and everyone takes turns impressively deep-choking Homo Erectus. Soon, the team turns into a cock-slurping, ass-licking, butt-plowing, cum-squirting pretzel of hard jungle flesh, intensifying into a torrent of spurted cream for a memorably sticky finale. Though it’s hard to keep track of who's fucking who, it's gleefully sacrilegious to consider the implications of the notion that it's the Catholic moralist who is debased and abused the most, left writhing in the gooey white sludge of everyone else's splattered semen. Growl!

The buff manly hunks all seem to be enjoying themselves immensely, but the limited production values extend beyond intentional camp and become somewhat irritating (the muffled open-mic sound; the sometimes stilted acting; the over-saturated lighting). Thankfully, the feverish sex is bestial and there’s sufficient plump cock to choke a jungle full of explorers and enough creamy rivers of cum for them all to take a bath in.

Newbie Joey Russo makes a splashy first impression, with a gushing cum shot that out-squirts most of the pros! He's made to feel right at home by an assortment of seasoned sexies who each have an incurable case of jungle fever. They're all "jungle-licious"!
-Beef Stroganoff

The List
Review written by Beef Stroganoff:
Hold the phone, girlfriends, because this fuck-fest is a boner-fied four-alarm scorcher sure to boggle your beef. It surely boggled mine.

We open as girlfriends Alex LeMonde and Michael Brandon have a gossipy split-screen phone conversation recounting the sordid tales of names they recently crossed off their "must taste" list.

First up, Michael Brandon tells of his recent encounter with Nick Thomas in a nicely equipped dungeon. Goatee'd-and-scruff'd Brandon (speaking of nicely equipped) is looking lean and sculpted and tasty as ever, and he's got his pubes closely mown. And, of course, he wields that stupendously huge schlong, which gets dutifully serviced by the gulpy deep throat of Latino suck dawg Nick Thomas - himself a sexy scruff puppy with a clipped chest and a plump piece of meat for the sucking... not to mention a rosy pink poke hole for the slurping.

Soon, Nick's in the sling, legs splayed, rosebud puckered. Slathery rimming leads to the movie's naughtiest image: Michael teasing Nick's pulsating hole with a few rubs of his rock-hard jackhammer (which Brandon repeatedly thwacks and slaps in a demonstration of its utter rigidness).

Cut to a juicy close-up of Michael's glistening shaft, wrapped in latex, forcing its way betwixt the clenching walls of Nick's muscular mangina. Michael gives it to Nick every which way but loose: there's some long, deep, slow piston fucking; some slappy and aggressive hole-pounding; and lots of rowdy dip-stick/punch-fuck action that affords us repeated glimpses of Nick's vacant, still-dilated hole, yawning and ready to receive the plowing thrust of yet another forceful lunge of Brandon's monster cock. Both dongs squirt ample loads all over Nick.

Kudos to Nick, by the way, who sucks on Michael's oversized cock impressively enough to successfully jam a good two thirds of its daunting length down his greedy throat.

Next we watch what happened when Alex LeMonde met Trey Rexx. Things start with a slow make-out session on a sofa, both guys clothed yet still exuding severe hotness: LeMonde with those puppy-fuck-dog wiles; Rexx with those wavy red locks. Soon they're half-naked, tattoos exposed, each sucking on the other's big beef stick in succession. LeMonde is simply a delicious sight to behold, what with his sculpted physique, milky smooth skin and that luscious mouth-watering (er, mouth-cramming) foreskin'd cock of his (which gets properly jammed down Rexx's throat).

With equal ferociousness, Rexx tongue-jabs LeMonde's furry pink hole, then LeMonde takes a proper rim of Rexx, then it's on with the splendid buggery, featuring LeMonde's large shaft plowing deep into Rexx's squeezed firebox. Beware of stray sparks: the heat between these two guys is definitely hot, hot, hot. You don't want your skivvies to catch fire now, do you?

Brandon's magnificent man tool gets another workout, this time in a dungeon three-way with hungry suck-and-fuck bottom boy Andrew Addams and strapping top Trent Cougar, clad in a chain vest. Mustached auburn hunk Addams gets his ankles strapped to the table, then Cougar and Brandon take turns rimming his spread-apart hole and cock-cramming his willing throat. And talk about power-slamming: Brandon nearly slam-fucks Addams' spanked caboose till next Tuesday, while frisky Cougar's no slouch in the dominant-top department, either.

Even hotter, Addams takes turns rimming each top's hole while the other pile-drives his eager bottom. So eager, in fact, that Addams attempts - and achieves - the intrepid feat of accommodating both tops' huge cocks simultaneously in a rough-and-tumble, hair-tugging, cheek-slapping, sphincter-straining double-fuck jamboree that will leave you breathless... and just maybe a little bow-legged.

Back to Alex LeMonde as he greets spunky muscle hunk Jordan West for some smoldering gag-and-poke fun. West proficiently deep-sucks on LeMonde's knob shaft, then LeMonde returns the favor, gagging on West's crank all the way down to his shaved-bare crotch. This leads to some deep-gagging sixty-nine action, complete with nut sucking, and then mutual ass-shellacking. Finally, West goes wild as he rides LeMonde's upright (and latex-sheathed) shaft as if he were mounted atop a bucking bronco.

The production values are first rate. Specific kudos to the videographer, whose bright, fetchingly framed shots make these delicious hunksters look all the tastier. The frequent in-their-crotch point-of-view affords us plenty of close-ups so tight and juicy you can just about nibble on their taints and nut sacks.

Okay guys - you can stop drooling.
-Beef Stroganoff