Review

It's only twenty-three minutes long, but it's nearly nineteen inches long! Yup, Long Dong Silver is the video that got Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas in heaps of trouble back in the day. Long Dong's dong barely looks alive, let alone like something anyone would want to tackle, but take a gander and seethe in anger. Jealous much?

 -- Keeneye Reeves

From the press notes, courtesy of Bijou Video:
"Mister 18½" himself, Bahamas-born porn celebrity Long Dong Silver, is the subject of this pseudo-documentary. The film and its titular star became the crux of sexual harassment charges leveled against now-Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas during his nomination hearings by a former staffer, Anita Hill.

Johnny Cook narrates over footage of himself in his "Long Dong" persona strolling down the street with the outline of his cock, which practically reaches his knees, clearly straining the fabric of his jeans. He talks about his childhood in the Bahamas and what it is like growing up with an 18½" dick. "Everyone always knew I had a big cock," Johnny admits. The other kids teased him, but "the joke that really hurt the was the one about my mother mating with an elephant."

He steps into an alley to piss and rather than just flopping out his dick, he has to spend a while hauling it out of his jeans. "Girls always want to touch it. I was eleven when I lost my virginity. I had never met no woman that I couldn't make happy."

Johnny is shown doing several photo shoots and posing with women. In one, his long, dark cock is completely covered from balls to cockhead in leather straps. Women swing his cock back and forth and let him titty fuck them. In one segment where Johnny is supposedly shooting a porn scene with a Marilyn Monroe look-alike, he feigns having missionary sex with her, though in actuality, there are no close-ups and his dick never gets hard. Finally, Johnny does a burlesque routine with two women in thigh-high vinyl boots. He dances and swings his cock while the women feel him up.

Basically a softcore straight piece, with no dick close-ups but lots of pussy footage and no real sex. What would've otherwise been an unremarkable 23-minute profile about a freakishly big dick and the man attached to it has instead become, thanks to the Clarence Thomas confirmation circus, a bona-fide (pun intended) footnote in US history books."