Review

With a title like Kick Club, I half expected a Brad Pitt wannabe bullying and bitch-slapping (or bitch-kicking) a bunch of scrumptious Euro hotties into submission. Strange, then, that this film should kick-start on… a stud farm?

Though I wasn’t immediately convinced stables and horseback rides have anything to do with a title like Kick Club, I was amused by the fact that the two introductory jocks who engage in crammed-mouth outdoor cock-suckery do so dangerously within bucking range of a bronco.

Somewhere off in a dark brick cellar, a foxy hairy hunk and another smooth Euro jock strip down to their big hard cocks and suck deep on each other, sixty-nine style, then they take turns plowing each other’s hair hole.

Elsewhere, three drunken sailors get lost in the woods and do what drunken lost soldiers do best - fellate and sodomize each other. The two dark haired muscular studs take turns ass-raping the frosted-blonde twinkie under the trees. Keep your eyes peeled for some mild shrimping action, as well as an impressively gushy hands-free ejaculation.

A boat trip down the river turns into a bumpy ride - the kind of bumpiness that occurs when hot boys whip out their dicks and stick ’em into each others’ gaping holes. Here there are three, all plump and pumped and rarin’ to erupt creamy streams of man lava.

An "airport security station" is the setting for a kinky threesome that commences when two strapping black-uniformed guards harass and strip-search a suspiciously suited businessman. When the guards discover the man’s stash of sex gear (i.e., nipple clamps, fur-lined handcuffs, a see-thru peanut-shell thong), they break out their night sticks, whips and feather brushes and proceed to spank and humiliate him. Nipple clamps on the scrotum, anyone? How 'bout an impromptu anal probe?

Soon enough, the lean bitch-boy businessman is on his knees, servicing the brawny guards' thick upright cocks. One guard armpit-fucks the bitch-boy while he’s on his knees blowing the other guard’s massive tool, making me wonder how long it’ll be before we’re resigned to add yet another keyword variant to our database. ("Pit-fucking" - with only one 'T', alas - works for me.) A throat-cramming double suck is a prelude to the rotational ass-plowing, during which the guards, wearing only sunglasses, put the bitch on a cock-spit, with one throbbing tool crammed in his mouth and one shoved up the boot.

Finally, a gang of color-head-banded jocks assembles in the brick cellar for Kick Club, where they watch as two naked guys try to knock each other out. The one that falls gets dragged into the other room and used by the other guys as a suck-toy, a fuck-toy and, ultimately, as a cum rag.

As the cavernous orgy flares on, the on-set smoke machine gets a thorough workout, making this climactic fuck-a-thon look more and more like an atmospheric outtake from The Matrix Reloaded. Curiously, the body count during the orgy seems to shift from seven boys to nine to eight, then back to nine, but why nit-pick when there are so many tasty inches of dude-flesh on parade? Things reach a sweaty, semen-soaked climax as the nine - or is it eight? - throbbing jocks shoot their creamy rocks off.

Technical attributes are generally good, though a few soft-focus shots and especially some lighting/shadow fluctuations are a bit sloppy and detract from the otherwise fetching images. Also, a few audio fluctuations may urge you to keep your finger poised over your volume control. Unless, of course, home privacy isn’t an issue for you.

The 2-disc DVD includes a feature-length audio commentary track by director William Higgins, as well as a 25-minute slide show, also with commentary.

The second DVD contains a feature-length video diary on the making of Kick Club, narrated by Higgins and featuring behind-the-cameras footage and interviews with the tasty models/self-proclaimed "exhibitionists." If there was such a thing as a film school for pornography, this documentary would be a must-see: Higgins discusses the logistical complexities of shooting porn to such a degree that I nearly forgave some of the sloppier technical attributes in the finished film. (Nearly.) For connoisseurs who are as interested in the making of porn as they are in drooling over the actual packaged product, this 2-disc DVD program offers the best of both worlds, and counts as two porn flicks for the price of one.

So many dreamy Czech boys…
...so plentifully hung and full of cream.
If this were a breakfast cereal, I’d call it Cock Chex.
-Beef Stroganoff