Review

Hung Beach is a bit like Beach Blanket Bingo, except there are no biological females around for miles and everyone is slamming their genitals into each other’s butts.

The film opens with buffalo-hung blonde Matthew and stocky delight Breshnev swapping spit and swallowing meat. They are soon joined by small, dusky, hairy Leone, who has this Filipino thing going on and appears to relish the taste of Caucasian cock. Leone ends up getting his fuzzy man-muff banged relentlessly by both Breshnev and Matthews, before Breshnev flips onto his back and plays "bottom, bottom, who’s got the bottom?" for Matthews. Breshnev moans and grunts like a water buffalo in rut, eventually showering himself with his own goo.

Next up is the film’s weakest scene - a threesome featuring Lennox, Phoenix and Bagrov. After a bit of foreplay, Phoenix’s ass rises from the ashes and acts as a temporary storage site for the other men’s doodles. There’s nothing remarkable here, but it is fun for fans of three-way action.

The next scene features some serious interracial homo action. Randolph turns in a positively riveting performance as a white man who turns gobbling black cock into an art. When I say gobble, I mean it. Randolph treats Young’s dingle as if it’s a licorice stick, and he hasn’t eaten in a week. He doesn’t so much suck the dick, he attacks it! It really must be seen to be believed. During all this hoopla, ebony demigods Bobby and Flex-Deon Blake enter the scene, pumped, pierced and ready to rock. Randolph takes the dusky bait and works his oral magic on both men. Carrington soon joins the fun and ends up on the receiving end of Randolph’s suckhole.

Meanwhile, Young is on his knees sucking Bobby Blake’s bitch-buster. Young then takes the aforementioned tool up his heiney-hole, before passing on the dick to Randolph, who gets a Blake-style shtupping he won’t soon forget. The scene closes with Randolph getting a high protein skin treatment compliments of his new fuckbuddies.

In the film’s final scene, hairball Vaccaro and smoothie Matthews prove that men of different textures can get along swimmingly under the right circumstances. Vaccaro tongues Matthew’s puckered pinkie, followed by some rousing 69 action. Here, Matthews is a big old bottom, and he takes Vaccaro’s chump in positions you won’t find in the Kama Sutra. Sorry for getting so explicit, Annette.

 -- T.J. Maxxwell