Review

Get ready to pound your prosciutto! After viewing the extraordinary Hotel Italia, you’ll realize the true meaning of "Abbondanza!" as Roman sex gods turn a quaint hotel into a lair of lust.

The film boasts one of the best-looking crews ever assembled for a porn - these sculpted studs are as beautiful as the countryside that forms a backdrop for their Mediterranean mischief. Those who like their men with vowels at the end of their names will find their own noodles drenched in white sauce.

The sex, though far from what would be considered as adventurous, manages to be both artfully erotic and totally hot at the same time. There are some cool lighting effects and a slow-motion shower montage that’s sure to get things stirring down below.

If you like your portions big, you’ll be happy to know that these paisans possess some pleasantly plump breadsticks. With the exception of one silver-haired Daddy, the guys are all fairly young, safely beyond jailbait years. There’s no shortage of testosterone here; everyone seems to have escaped the dreaded "nelly gene."

Hotel Italia is a fantastic film. Mama Celeste, eat your heart out.

 -- T.J. Maxxwell