Review

Be warned. I’ve been given a bunch of amateur porn videos to review tonight, mainly featuring Generation X skater-types, and one I just sat through (not this one) is quite possibly the worst tawdry piece of shit ever kicked out of Hell. I’m so turned off right now.

This is Frou at her least sparkling, witty and…fuck! My mind is so numb right now even my vocabulary has given up on me! Nurse! Where’s my Novocain?

But perchance God is smiling on me today, because the first thing I saw as I picked up this screener were the words "Factory Video". These titles are like old friends and never fail to please. ‘Amateur’ is not the correct word here. They are faux-amateur. Amateur Lite. Shot with a professional gleam by dedicated pornomakers, these oral cumshot-heavy fuckfilms are just plain dirty. Mmmm. My bottom hurts just thinking about it.

This one is set in Frisco (but not at every kind of disco) where the Factory Video office is. We start with the usual San Francisco tourist footage: trolleys turning, steep streets, tourists milling around awaiting the next earthquake. You know the score.

Cut straight to PYT Levert being picked up by Alias (the shaven headed alias of Michael Soldier). Wish I had his luck. The last time I was in that town even the sealions didn’t give me the time of day. Back in Levert’s hotel room the two definitely have reasons to stick the "do not disturb" sign on the door. The two studs kiss passionately before Alias drops to his knees and deepthroats Levert’s uncut weapon. And he’s great at it. Levert, who’s got a D.C. Chandler look about him, does an equally impressive job on Alias’s porn star prize.

Alias impales himself on Levert’s lovegun, panting with joy as his inner tube is pounded. This long athletic fucksession is megahot and you’ll be well on your way to joining our two lovers as they shoot over each other’s chests. "Want to do more sightseeing?" Alias smiles. Levert responds but I couldn’t understand his heavy French-accented mumbles. It’s either, "we will see" or "wait and see" but I ain’t gonna be losing any sleep over it.

The next scene has Levert wandering the Municipal Pier. Daddy-types Taylor and Wolf pick each other up just a few feet away. Knowing he doesn’t stand a chance of a threesome (for shame!) with our teddy boys, Levert frog-legs it out of there. The two bears make their way to a very posh pad, locking the door behind them. Wolf throws himself at Taylor’s crotch, sucking that stiffening member through his denim. Out comes the adorable cock-ringed, prince alberted Daddystick and Wolf can’t wait to get his lips round it. There’s a lot of great verbal you can hear over the great music (or ‘hot fuck music’ as it’s called in the credits).

Daddy Bear’s lollipop truly dripping, Baby Bear strips to his leather jock and turns around revealing his tempting ass that proves too hard to ignore. Bluto tongue fucks it after getting a quick armpit and asspit inspection from his buddy. Main course arrives as the pierced behemoth fucks him all the way around San Francisco’s poshest hotel’s conference room, finally delivering his sexflow all over Wolf’s face while providing encouraging verbals. Poor Wolf: it goes straight in his left eye. That’s gotta sting. The impressive cumshots get an action replay so you can once again see the moment of ocular impact. Great Daddy scene with impressive chemistry between the two oink-pigs. A stogie wouldn’t have gone amiss, just a shame you can’t smoke in hotels anymore. Damn dumb-assed Californians!

Levert once again gets to show you his incredibly hairy legs (in loving close-up) as he is picked up by Hobbs, who I’ve been told is English but couldn’t tell just by looking at the teeth. The well-hung pair takes turns getting their wondrous wangs dripping wet after sucking, rimming and sixty-nining. Hobbs rubbers up and launches a full-scale assault on the Frenchman’s hind-quarters, causing the bottomed-bint to literally bite the pillow. Hobbs’ stomach is covered with Levert’s Gallic garlic-sauce, who then works it into his pecs. Way to moisturize! Fun scene, slow at times but still a joy to get off to. But close the bathroom door next time. Sadly it’s over too quickly, with Wolf doing a "That’s All Folks"-style closing: "I’m a cum pig!"

The bonus DVD extras are great. We see Levert’s original screen test where he sucks and is sucked by an uncredited Dan Alcock - you know; big nose and bigger dick. The two take each other’s love porridge orally in a very hot sequence. And I love the bloopers. Did you know that when Taylor and Wolf meet their conversation actually consists of them repeating, "peas and carrots"?

This is one of the smoothest Factory productions I’ve seen. The video is crystal clear, the music excellent and the sex fantastic. Is Factory going all up-market on us? I feel better already!
-Froufrou A. Gogo