Review

Double en Jeu proves (to me) that Cadinot is the God of Gay Porn. He’s being doing it bigger and better than anyone else, ever. He attained perfection back in the 80's with the wonderful gift of being able to find men of all body types, put them in a scene and watch the sparks fly whilst American porn was stuck in the rut of having identical brain dead buff n’ blonde Valley Boys with defined top/bottom roles from which they couldn’t deviate.

Cadinot was brilliant. But he "jumped the shark" when he started to shoot on digital video, rather than 16mm. Instead of filling each frame with eroticism that dripped from the screen, he became sloppy, as it was far cheaper to produce porn for the mass market.

Most of the films from then on were "trite made flesh," as if he’d given up any hope of attaining quality. Other French porn directors (Michel Oliver for example) were Frog Princes ready to overthrow the King. But then something happened. Maybe it was because of the fear of the Young Pretenders, possibly a porn epiphany, hell, maybe it was magic pixies sprinkling fairy dust but his films began to work again. Titles such as Insatiable, S.O.S. and Safari City showed that he was still capable of harvesting young men who possessed "It," whatever "It" might have been.

You can imagine the fuss when this title turned up at the office. Who would review it? There were fights. It wasn’t pretty. Two interns lost eyes. The accounts department were taken away with internal bleeding. That fucker who keeps looking at me oddly in the elevator mysteriously threw himself of the roof whilst tied to a chair. It was only when I kidnapped the editor’s Beanie Babies and started sending back ears was I given the job.

And you know something?
This film is FUCKING BRILLIANT!

I don’t even have to write any more than that.
But I guess it’s only fair that I tell you.

To wit: Cadinot is French. His films are undubbed and unsubtitled. Look at it like opera - it’s always better in a language you can’t understand. The only French I can speak is “I hate you, your family, and your entire nation.” But fuck it: I got to review it, so here is my interpretation of the events.

We start in an underground car park with security guards Durieux and Janeiro (possessor of the sexiest French nose since Jean-Paul Belmondo) patrolling. The music is quite funky at this point and I thought I was gonna be getting a murder mystery. Seems that part of the car park is a cruising ground, because all the other actors appear there over the opening credits in various states of undress. Foreshadowing, this is called. Anyway, by the time our guards get there, everyone has scarpered, so Durieux pees in disgust (loyal guard - maybe the pay is crap) before offering up his mantwat to Janeiro (and who wouldn’t) who sticks his hand straight up, then his torch - which gives Durieux the look of a glowbeetle. Turns out Janeiro doesn’t want to fuck however (he could have used his nose - it’s big enough) so he leaves our hero alone, with his pants round his ankles. Bastard!

Cut to a dinner party that features Fvister and Forest (the only Cadinot returnee in a film full of newcomers) who are so into each other they make excuses and leave the table to bang seven shades of shit out of each other - in the cruising ground that is conveniently located (magically?) through the kitchen door. There’s also plenty of dialogue, but that all flew over my hairdo. Get used to seeing skinny white guys with uncut horsedicks because you’ll be seeing a lot of them.

Turns out our two friends are being watched by Parelli who is in turn caught by Durieux (searching him, he finds a condom; Plot Point 1 just flew by, I guess) so he takes him back to the office and has him pound his ass so much he’s almost in tears. The two part company and Parelli heads back to the magic cruising ground (dirty, dirty slut!) to meet up with Mallet. Wait till you see this guy, and what’s hidden in his baggy running grays. As the two begin to have sex you’ll swear the outline is a dildo because nothing human could be that big! You’ll drop to your knees and thank Baby Jesus when you see it in the flesh. As does Parelli. The mother of all trouser-monsters finds its way up Parelli's boyhole (HOW?) and I'm sure I heard a few "L'Ows!" amongst all the "Oui Oui's". This is the first time I came. After the sex there's something about "look at the time" and Parelli buggers off.

Back in the security office there’s a blown fusebox that somehow leads to Durieux having his wish granted by Janeiro as they fuck. Janeiro might be straight (he’s got girlie porn everywhere) but Durieux does a good job in converting him to the Dark Side as the next few scenes feature the eternally cock-ringed bignose getting busy with McKenna in a café bathroom (whilst McKenna’s real life family wait – they must be so proud!) to what sounds like Warner Brothers cartoon music; Darleville the waiter - guess it beats a tip - and finally Antoine the dry cleaner and his cutesy-pie assistant Rizzi in a Wash West-style series of jumpcuts. This guy is now 100% queer and sure knows how to suck cock!

Once again Mallet is waiting at the magic cruising ground. This time he’s found by Durieux and the two have a great scene flip-flopping with each other. Amazingly Durieux manages to get Mallet’s entire mallet in his mouth.

Back at the dry cleaner’s Cusack seduces Antoine, before starting his first day as a guard at a car park - guess which one? I’m assuming Janeiro has quit to be a full time Circuit Boy. Durieux shows him the ropes - and the oversize novelty dildoes that he conveniently keeps in a drawer. After Cusack has spent an eternity abusing his hole, he leaves. (Maybe the job wasn’t for him.) And then I got totally lost. From behind a locker comes Eddy. How long had he been hiding there? The entire movie? Did he beam there? Who cares, because these two have a bond that begins with the sharing of the huge dildos and ends with the closing credits.

Bewitching. Bothering. Bewildering. But you’ll love it. Double en Jeu is outstanding, and with its release Monsieur Cadinot proves that he’s one King that will never be toppled.

 -- Froufrou A. Gogo