Review

TLA is not really the place for the toy lover who is seriously kinky – sure we sell some toys for cock and ball torture, nipple clamps, restraints and paddles - but if you want real S/M “toys” there are other sites out there much more intense. And we’ll remain the Disney of Kink as long as we sell and promote items like the Colt Stallion Tail (Ribbed and Smooth).

Colt, once a revered name in porn and later in toys is really just fucking with us with these whips. All it took was to open the package and check out the quality of the toy to know that I was not going to try it on any of my sex toy review partners – they’d laugh away their hard-ons.

Oops! I’ve just figured out that this whip is actually not a whip at all but a simple butt plug with a spaghetti-like rubber tail(really, it looks like plastic spaghetti).

As a sex toy professional (or so I thought) I am quite embarrassed and a little in the dark on why I’d want a butt plug – smooth or ribbed – to have a long tail attached to it. Maybe it is meant for kinksters who are serious about pony play, or the silly looking tail is meant to help in extracting the dong. And why even need to remove it? It is so small and thin that if the tail wasn’t there, I might forget it was up my butt. Or is this a probe and a whip? Two toys in one, maybe try whipping someone with it attached to your ass – you’ll only look ridiculous flailing your ass around in an attempt to punish your partner.

You can plainly see that this is the worse written gay sex toy review ever written and I apologize. Call me high-maintenance or picky, but I was expecting more from this toy. Take a look at the picture on the site and if it intrigues you, buy it and try it out. But you’ll have to buy it with out much help from me I am afraid. I am going to quietly slip this review in and hope my boss won’t notice and fire me. Just buy one and let me keep my job or I’ll be back to peddling yogurt at Pinkberry.

 -- Randy Siempre