Review

An Anal Review from a Straight Man:

Just to be clear, I'm not gay but I would be lying if I said I didn't briefly question my heterosexuality when I picked this sex toy to review. Sure, I live in an urban environment filled with every kind of diversity, resulting in me believing that I'm a pretty open-minded, liberal sort of guy, but that doesn't mean I go around shoving things in my ass.

But, I'd also be lying if I didn't say that I'm a pretty avid masturbator and when a friend of mine (who does like shoving things in his ass) mentioned the joys of prostate stimulation while masturbating, my ears pricked up a little bit. While I may not shove things up my ass on a regular basis, if you tell me that I'll cum buckets if I do so while jerking off, I'm down to explore. Thus, this toy.

The Classix Prostate Stimulator looks more like some crappy piece of modern art than a sex toy, and honestly, for future reference toy manufactures of the world, if you are going to make a toy that is meant for guys (especially straight guys) to insert in their ass, you might want to make it a little more masculine and not so girlish. But, after getting over the design flaws I found in the overall style of the toy, I broke open the packaging and got to exploring.

Be aware, this is not a soft toy. You might think that a toy that is to be put in the most sensitive of spots would be a little more maleable, but this is not the case. This sucker is hard as nails plastic. That scared me a little bit, but I forced myself to carry on. I used a little (sorry, a lot) of lube, to make sure my ass was ready for this and went to work. The head of the toy is wider than I would have liked making the first insertion a big nerve-wracking. I couldn't say if the toy was just too big, or I was just too freakin nervous. But, after a few attempts and some shifts in position, I was able to guide the tool successfully into my ass.

Of course, this presented the next problem. Honestly, I didn't really know what to do once the toy was up in my hole. There are no guides or instructions with the toy, and while sure, everyone says that massaging your prostate will make you cum like a superhero, I don't really know where my prostate is! Thus, if you can image, I had a black sex toy that looks like a modern work of art sticking out of my ass, a hard on that wouldn't quit lubed up and ready to work and there I was, waddling across the floor to my computer to look up instructions on how to work my prostate. It was comical. After some serious google work, I found the info I needed and flipped my browser to some hot porn. I was already standing and the toy was half way to China so I figured, why not finish there...and so I did.

Yes, my orgasm was awesome. Yes, my mild doubt of my own heterosexuality was worth it since my orgasm was epic. Screw you, I'm not gay.

 -- Captain Roger Wang

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