Review

"Next on Fox: 'When Truckers Mate.' You won’t tear your eyes from the screen as men who’ve eaten nothing but pork by-products for forty-plus years expose themselves! You’ll gasp at the hairiest of backs, chunkiest of tummies and beardiest of the Beardies. Coming up next. Only on Fox.”

This is another collection of stars from the sticky pages of Bear Magazine. You like ‘em big ? You’ll like ‘em like this. A series of vignettes with the grizzles in the great outdoors, their natural habitat. Jack Radcliffe leads a cast of new and seasoned performers (Squires has been doing this sort of thing for years) in eight porky pokings that’ll get you drooling into your bucket of chicken wings.

An uncut young (well, youngish) bear forces his older buddy to suck his inches before they frottage to orgasm. Next on show there’s a Baby Bluto in the haystack punished by his even bigger Bluto Boss. He tongue worships his master, every inch eventually wet with sweat and saliva - and there’s a lot of inches that need covering so you can imagine how long this lasts! Bluto Boss finally fucks his young subordinate briefly as we head back into the forest and see a third pair slurp each other’s uncut cocks.

A very hot shower sequence sees two big boys relieve their stresses as the water streams down their hairy chests and big stomachs as the nipple-tweaking, cock-sucking duo indulge in a bit of foot-fetishism before working their uncut bearsticks to powerful orgasm.

You wanna hope your TV can hold together under the mass of the next scene as two young bears worship their older daddy in a nipple chewing, toe-sucking, armpit-licking, cock-sucking, French kissing session that causes daddy to shoot torrents of yummy honey. The baby bears continue once papa has left them, using a dildo on themselves till they can take no more and explode their joy-juice everywhere.

Big Boss Bluto returns to perform a shower solo next, squeezing his nipples so tight they look like they’re gonna pop as he brings himself off manually; spooge mixes with the shower water in a very intense short. The finale sees five colossal slabs of beef work each other over as the credits roll.

There’s very little fucking in this movie, and I’m assuming it’s because the San Andreas fault couldn’t take the seismic vibrations caused by their hammerings. There's a slightly amateurish feel to this film, which is a shame, because some of Bear’s other titles have been worthwhile. There’s passion on screen, but the terrible production values and camcorder quality ruin everything. Shame. These bears don’t shit in the woods. But they produce something that pretty much resembles it.
-Froufrou A. Gogo