Review

A website in London (www.BritishGuysLive.com) decided to go from strictly live transmissions (no pun intended) to more traditional porn tapes and here’s the first fruit of their labors. It’s similar to Brad Posey’s behind-the-scenes Club 1821 stuff, but with a decidedly British bent of politeness and multicultural cast of young smoothies.

Difficult to hear conversation between our first model – slim, smooth Carter, a "typical British lad who loves football" – and the mysterious Ben (who politely asks "Do you want to do the dildo before you get hard, or do you want to get hard now?") leads to a change in wardrobe (he dons a football shirt) and dildo action (oh, and he decided to get hard before the dildo). A healthy cream finishes up the scene.

By the by, Ben chimes in with a potent "brilliant" at cumshot's end.

Malaysian Chase, who commits all sorts of tragic crimes with his idiotic gelled hair and jejune facial/body piercings (although he’s got good teeth unlike poor ol’ Austin Powers-jawed Carter), is next to succumb. More photos and whatnot ensue as Chase reveals a bulbous knob and gym-pumped bod.

A Texan of all things, Matthew (who has more British teeth than Carter) supposedly came to London for a career in porn. Isn’t that like being from China and moving to Japan for the tea? Anyways, after he informs them what the word "trick" means and other colloquialisms are compared (I’m not joking), he reveals a cock-ringed dick, prompting Ben to ask more questions about circumcision and cock-ring usage in the states. Oh woe, it’s all so retarded. He isn’t even a bloomin’ British guy!!! At least he’s live, I guess, and frankly he’s the only one who appears to actually enjoy what he’s doing.

Blonde Lenny looks like he was plucked from a Britpop band like Radiohead or The Verve (he even wears British flag printed jocks), and shoots so hard he hits his own face. A couple actually have sex in the final scene but they’re such travesties in appearance (love the make-up, colored mohawk and over-pencilled eyebrows, mate!) it’s not worth commenting on.

Try again. Cheers. Ta.
-Flapjax