Review

The darker berries may contain the sweeter juice, but Black Hole might leave a sour taste in your mouth. There’s no real rhyme or reason to the film, just a lot of homo, er, I mean home-boys sucking dick and taking it in the cornholio. The sex is bland and uninspired, the peenies are average (with the exception of Franklin, whose titanic tootsie roll is a monument to genital magnificence) and the overall energy level could use a kick in the ass.

Franklin’s dirty talk in the first scene is pretty nifty, but the other actors look totally unexcited about the fact that they’re getting paid to have on-screen sex. Budding pedophiles will go positively nutty over Ricky Love, the real-life adult who looks like he just graduated from middle school. If you like ‘em young, he’s the one to watch, but his lack of interest in the action is a real buzzkill.

In addition, though he features prominently on the box cover, Ricky’s only in one scene (where his dick struggles to achieve something resembling an erection). Thanks to the miracle of editing, he goes from limp to loaded in one nanosecond, before shooting his alabaster ammunition.

You’ll appreciate your remote's fast-forward button during the endless scene between Dante and a pint-sized imp with long braids. We’re talking 15 long minutes of "I’ll suck you if you suck me." Dante has the good sense to stop this foolishness by popping Braidini in the brown-eye socket ‘till Braids makes him pull out.

Then, just when you think it’s over, you’re subjected to the odd spectacle of a man squatting over a toilet, shooting what appears to be 10 gallons of water out of his butthole. It’s as if he’s had his colon replaced with a water cooler - and what a handy dispenser!

 -- T.J. Maxxwell