Review

The ever-scrumptious Billy Brandt finds himself shipwrecked on a mysterious sex island off the coast of Cuba, populated with perpetually horny man-slaves and controlled by the enigmatic Doctor Vixen, who’s got special plans for our captive cutie.

Billy’s looking quite lean and ripped and sports a sexy frosted-highlights ’do and a navel ring. He even has some ink, though his tattoos have been airbrushed out of the cover photos.

Billy sends off a message in a bottle before finding himself pursued by one of the frisky island natives (Kirk Kelley). They have a sexual confrontation in the bamboo, where exotic Kirk deep slurps on Billy’s plump dangler.

Kirk leads Billy back to the Doctor’s secret island hideaway (actually, it looks more like a college dorm, what with the Venetian blinds and glass brick windows). Inside, things heat up pretty fiercely with some rim chewing, but there’s an alarming instance of stunt-cocking to come that will soon chill the mood.

Kirk proceeds to slurp on Billy’s tight rosy bud, and while Billy’s bent over and getting his clench spot tongue-shellacked, he winces and squeals like a little bitch-boy bottom, quivering with shrilly delight (notice here how relatively un-hairy Billy’s underside is). There’s some perfunctory fucking that follows, but I challenge anyone to prove to me that our Billy is actually penetrating Kirk. We never see Billy’s face, body and erection in the same shot. When we do see a quick extreme close-up of a stiff condom-wrapped dick sliding in and out of Kirk’s heinie, the pounding ass cheeks on top, I suspect, belong to the stand-in (these cheeks are noticeably hairier than Billy’s near-smooth crack; I doubt Billy’s ass crevasse suddenly sprouted a fluffier tuft of butt hair during his lunch break). Alas, Kirk squeezes off a round of cream, but orgasm-challenged Billy is left unreleased.

We cut to cute blonde gym twink Drew Peters on a beach in Key West. He finds a message in a bottle that turns out to be Billy’s island SOS. Fortunately for Drew, there’s a cell phone number to call, and a yummy Polaroid shot of stranded Billy, so he’s got something to fantasize about. Unfortunately for viewers, Billy provides the laughably written, embarrassingly executed voice-over narration of the letter, as well as “acts” with Drew on the phone. It’s all patently ridiculous. This, plus his girly squeal, is reason enough to want someone to shove a sock in Billy’s mouth. Or something else that rhymes with it.

Back on Sex Island, Doctor Vixen (Damian Ford) presides over a trio of his sex slaves as they’re waiting in the dungeon. Our boy Billy is unconscious on a nearby table, inexplicably shaved down to a tight buzz cut. Exotic love potions are distributed and suddenly the two buff slaves (scruffy stud Gregg Rockwell and beefy muscle hunk Jason Hawke) and the lean slave clamped to the rack (boyish, tasty Dane Brando) have themselves a sweaty three-way. Doctor Vixen watches and whacks off from his isolated bank of surveillance monitors (sordid shades of Sliver, anyone?). As Gregg and Jason distract themselves by taking turns pounding Dane’s throat and rectum, Billy wakes up and makes a run for it. The scene builds to a splashy climax, leaving Dane covered in puddles of creamy goo.

There’s some more atrociously acted stuff detailing Drew and Billy chatting on the cell phone. Though only minutes after Billy’s flight from the dungeon, his cropped hair has miraculously been restored to its full, lustrous light brown mane, complete with frosted blonde highlights.

The next sequence begins in Doctor Vixen’s office, as bland and nondescript as any hospital examining room. He and captive Jay Ross have a slurpy sixty-nine in the reclining chair, then they abscond to the boudoir set, where they engage in rimming and fucking (the Doc’s the top, naturally), while they view a live simulcast of their romping on the bedroom telly.

Back to Drew in Key West, who’s laying in bed, legs spread, cock flaring, fantasizing about being on the island with Billy. In the dream, Billy voraciously gobbles Drew’s stiffened lap prong, then - POOF! - Billy suddenly materializes at Drew’s bedside and finally sprouts his first visible boner in the movie (no doubt owing to Drew’s own cocksucking prowess). Then there’s some rimming, with Billy winking his own rosebud (mostly bald, by the way) in front of the camera while delicately licking Drew’s hole. Some subsequent dry humping is a preamble to Billy’s deep pounding of Drew’s caboose from several different positions. Billy does finally blow a pearly load at the climax of this dream sequence, accompanied by a series of animalistic grunts and yelps. At least here he sounds-off like a man.

In the final scene, we find Billy enjoying his captivity, resigned to an eternity of swallowing Doctor Vixen’s meat. Strangely, Billy’s head is once again shaved to a bristly buzz. Yeah, the hair/no-hair thing is an obvious consistency flub but - DAMN! - he looks devilishly good with a crew cut!

Indeed, our cover boy Billy is looking as deviously delicious as ever. It’s just too bad his acting chops aren’t as developed as his bod. And let’s not so quickly overlook the oddity of his flaccid first scene with Kirk. If this keeps up, it won’t be long before our “strictly top” Adonis will be howling the exalted howls of a puckering, quivering, tightly packed bottom. Just you wait.

Production values are generally good, though the camera loses its focus here and there and the repetition of the looping is way too obvious. To be fair, the acting and plot and production design are ludicrous, even by the dubious standards of ludicrous porn, but there’s enough hot man flesh and throbbing sucking and fucking action to make any video horn-dog overlook the myriad idiocies and have a whackin’-good time.