Review

Let’s get this straight (so to speak). There ain’t nothing “Advanced” in this Advanced Anal Explorer Kit. That is not to say it is terrible, it just means they are marketing it wrong. It should be The Beginner’s Anal Explorer Kit. Why? Well, there is nothing advanced in having a simple bulb and nozzle douche, a super thin butt plug (I’ve had thicker fingers up my ass) or the soft, cheaply-made prostate probe.

I first tried out the douche, and as simple douches go, it did the job (although I kept on thinking of Harpo Marx’s horn every time I squeezed). Now clean, I comically tried the butt plug – at only 5 inches long and 4.5 inches at the thickest part, I put it in with the ease of a putting a pacifier in a baby’s mouth. Blame my compulsive anal fixation or the rigorous anal invasions I do in the name of a paycheck from TLA, but this is truly a beginners plug – should be fine for any inquisitive “just came out, want to bottom but I’m not sure" 14-year-old. Anyone else (I’m talking to you!) will almost certainly need something more substantial to get off.

I ended my less-than-challenging test with the probe – about 6.5 inches long with three bulbous knobs. This was fun – proving to be pliable, easy to insert and it found my prostate without much trouble! But when one gets used to vibrating ones (Colt Rotating Beaded Probe), expensive ones (Cheeky-Boy), imaginatively designed ones (Versatile Prostate Stimulator) and even electrifying ones (Shock Therapy Pleasure Probe), it’s tough to get excited about this plain Jane probe.

But if you are an anally curious virgin or if you are simply looking for a gift for your “I think he’s gay” nephew’s Bar Mitzvah, have we got a toy for you!

 -- Jack Frequenton