Review

Wipe clean any flaccid memory traces you have of Cavalleria Rusticana, the edited-for-cable softcore version of A Sicilian Tale, the unmistakably hardcore, eye-popping, jaw-dropping, dick-stiffening, cum-oozing drooler. None of us here at our corporate office can quite fathom where on earth Lucas Kazan finds such stunningly beautiful Adonises, let alone how he gets them to strip and fuck and ignite such smoldering bonfires for him on camera. Needless to say, keep plenty of replenishing fluids handy.

Inspired by Giovanni Verga’s play and scored with the meatier parts of Pietro Mascagni’s opera, Signor Kazan’s sex odyssey A Sicilian Tale is an exquisitely produced wet dream.

Filmed in Sicily and boasting nine of the most impossibly gorgeous and spectacularly hung studs ever to throw a mighty bone, this flick is bulging at the seams with perfectly sculpted and silky smooth man flesh, swinging with generously plump and tantalizingly uncut bones, and gushing with enough thick wads of ejaculated man lava to flow like a creamy river.

I can spend the rest of this review drooling over luscious dreamboat Sasha Byazrov, who gets it on sensuously with lucky hunk Lucas Foz in a colorfully decorated circus tent environment. Both pleasure each other with a versatile suck-and-fuck on and off a convenient stepladder, and both deliver their share of creamy hands-free eruptions.

And then there’s this tall hunk of hotness Vilem Gage, who’s every bit as lusciously dreamy as Sasha. After a brief three-man urinary spritz (into a trough, not onto each other), Vilem presides over a hearty outdoor three-way with his jealous lover and a muscular trick.

The threesome is intercut with a fierce foursome that takes place under the big top, with a fifth guy hiding in the shadows, espying much cocksucking, rim chewing, hole punching and goo spewing. In Sicilian, of course. Mangia!

All of this so far is lush, four-star stuff, sumptuously photographed and smoothly edited.

Would that a scene could be rated a five-star inferno, the climactic pairing of Luscious Dreamboat #1 Sasha Byazrov with Luscious Dreamboat #2 Vilem Gage would definitely be it. Determined cock swallowing gives way to a passionate round of cram-Vilem’s-sausage-into-moaning-Sasha’s-clench-box, both of ’em bathed in a pool of cool indigo lighting ’neath the circus tent. I’d say "big top" but Vilem’s got ample claim to that already.

We’re talking cream of the creamiest crop here, in every way imaginable. A Sicilian Tale is a sinfully delicious feast of operatic and orgasmic proportions. Mama Mia!

 -- Beef Stroganoff