Review

Did someone say, "Firm yet yielding alabaster buttcheeks?" No? Oh... I though someone did. I must have tushie on the brain, after viewing this celebration of all things gluteal. A Beautiful Behind takes some of the finest rear ends in the industry and puts then on display for your review.

The story revolves around the fantasies of Thornton, a horndog photographer with a thing for "back." The endless parade of perky posteriors he is forced to endure causes him to lapse into unnatural thoughts, which are vividly played out on screen.

To begin, we enter a dungeon, where Johnson, a beefy, hairy hottie, is servicing West, a lean blonde with a dangerous dingle. Johnson wastes no time getting down to biz, and he practically inhales West’s schlong. The camera captures every slurp, as West "makes love to Johnson’s skull." Next, it’s fuck faces galore as Johnson’s "beautiful behind" becomes the receptacle for West’s engorged ramrod. Eventually, Johnson ends up in a sling, where he gets the stuffins poked out of him. Johnson caps off the scene with a large, noisy load, which erupts while West is still pumping away. (All the scenes end this way, with the "catcher" coming during penetration, followed by a pull-out-and-pop "pitcher" shot.)

Next, it’s off to the doctor’s office, where a trite porn fantasy is played out with rod-rousing results. Kirk, a short, stocky ball o’sex, goes to see Doctor Williams, who administers a little TLC in a most unconventional fashion. Who would have thought that stethoscopes could be sexy? Anyway, the good doctor goes to town on Kirk’s body, turning an innocent rectal exam into a full-scale rim job! Kirk eagerly gobbles William’s knob, followed by a spirited 69 session. It isn’t long before Williams takes Kirk’s temperature with his meat thermometer, and this boy is hot! Kirk starts out on his back, but decides to squat and jerk, resulting in a mid-coital cumfest.

Tie up the horses - there’s sodomy afoot in the old barn tonight! Smooth blonde dreamboat Ross can’t get enough of goateed, demi-daddy Richards. There’s less foreplay here than in the other scenes, but there’s still some decent fellatio to warm your cockles. Splayed out doggie-style on a bale of hay, Richards bangs Ross’ bum. Ross ends up on his back, whinnying like a prized mare, as Richards pounds the devil out of him. In a strange twist, they have orgasms at the end. Though this scene is hot, it’s the crickets that really steal the show. Boy, can those bugs chirp!

Final scene: The photographer (Thornton) finally gets his cum-uppance in a fantasy involving himself and a lean, wavy-haired brunette (Rockwell) with a pendulous piece. As Rockwell admires himself in a mirror, Thornton practically ingests his tube steak. A 69 session ensues, which includes some oral-anal action for good measure. Thornton ends up in a most undignified position - on his back with another man’s penis thrusting in and out of his asshole. Strangely, he seems to like it, and displays his pleasure in a series of yelps and grunts. You can figure out what happens at the end. Hint: It involves a sticky, viscous goo.

The sex is pretty formulaic, but A Beautiful Behind's passionate cast, excellent camerawork and abundance of gravity-defying "badunkadunks," make it worth taking 97 minutes out of your day to watch.

 -- T.J. Maxxwell